happy is the heart that still feels pain

so today is all about LOVE. yup, I really love LOVE. I haven't blogged in a few weeks, but lots of good things have happened recently, and I felt the need to share about them. so poms is officially over now, which is very sad. we had our senior night, which was fun and all, but then we got to perform at one more game the following week. it was a combined dance with the JV girls, and even though there was some added drama because flippin freshmen are too sassy for their own good, it was kinda cool to perform a JV dance as our last one ever. it was easy and just fun and reminded me of where I started 4 years ago. I still remember trying out in the spring of 8th grade and having no clue if I'd make it or not. I was high jumping at my middle school track meet when I found out that I made both teams. the memory is still so vivid for me. my team was interesting because unlike the grade abve us, my group of girls in my grade that did poms with me weren't very close from the start. we all came from separate friend groups and even though we danced together and had fun, there was always this sort of awkward tension. I honestly never thought we could bond like the older girls did. they told "obscene stories" for OSN (obscene story night), and they'd all laugh about inside jokes while the rest of us just kinda awkwardly were out of it. I was really nervous going into my senior year of poms. I had this feeling that the girls in the grade below us wouldn't respect us or want to be our friends. thankfully, I was so wrong. somehow, as seniors we managed to put aside our past awkwardness and we got so so so close. all of us still hang out with totally different people, but at poms, we were family. I spent so much time with these girls, and by the end of it, I realized that I couldn't have imagined high school without them. I just love them and poms so much. it seems really dumb that we spend all of this time dancing, but poms is about so much more than just shaking our asses and being sassy. of course the dancing is a big part of it, but poms helped get to know the most amazing girls that I never would have crossed paths with outside of it. it's really hard to explain, and I know I sound like a babbling idiot, but I just am so grateful to have had this experience in high school. I am not the best technical dancer on the team, and I would never be able to do this in college. but I was lucky enough to dance at every home football and basketball game for 4 years! that's pretty crazy and pretty awesome. I learned a lot about myself too and poms has helped me just kinda work with what I've got. that sounds so weird, but as a pommer, you're somewhat forced to be sassy while dancing and somehow channel some kind of inner diva. even though I don't walk around "flaunting" regularly, poms made me more confident and allowed me to just work it. throwing my poms down and strutting off the floor after our last pep rally was a feeling unlike any other. it was empowering. it was also probably very expected and dumb to people who weren't dancing with me, but I loved every minute of it. okay well enough about poms because I sound like such an idiot. to sum up, poms has been amazing and I will miss it so much more than I ever realized.

so another good thing that happened over the past few weeks is valentine's day! wooo! so I didn't have a valentine this year, but I have to say it was one of the better valentine's days I've ever had. the past few years David and I celebrated by going on a nice date or exchanging a mushy card or something. it was always nice, but I felt like the best part of the actual day was getting to see how happy other people were. when else do you get to see all people making a conscious effort to express their genuine love for others? I personally think we don't need a holiday to do it, but it certainly makes it easier since it forces us to acknowlege the people we care about. this year I had a lot of people to be thankful for and show love to. of course, me being me, I had to be all giddy about my numerous crushes and get all excited when I gave them a lollipop from the bag that I brought to school to share. literally I forget that I am almost 18 sometimes when I turn into this giddy 12 year old who gets excited over boys. then again, it was expected on valentine's day, so why not?! but anyways, I felt a lot of love from other people this year. one of my friends handmade me the sweetest valentine, and I just couldn't get over how many amazing people I got to show appreciation to this year. even though it would've been nice to have a special guy to celebrate with, I am glad that this year I got to focus my attention on the people who mean the most to me: my wonderful friends. I ended up third wheeling a date with my parents, and I wouldn't have wanted it to be any other way. If this isn't already apparent from my ramblings over the past 7 months....I just love the idea of love, and so any day that is especially centered around that is the day for me. so ya. valentine's day rocked.

it also kicked off me realizing how freaking lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life that love me so much and that I love even more in return. so many people are just trying to "get through second semester" and then start over in college. even though I am really ready to leave, I know that I will miss my friends terribly. every one of them is just crazy awesome, and it almost isn't fair that I recieve all of the love that I do. Julie wrote recently about how there are so many people without any friends at all, and I wish that I could somehow share all the love that I've been blessed with with those people. because everyone just wants to love and be loved.

"Everybody"

We have fallen down again tonight
In this world it's hard to get it right
Trying to make your heart fit like a glove
What it needs is love, love, love

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Happy is the heart that still feels pain
Darkness drains and light will come again
Swing open your chest and let it in
Just let the love, love, love begin

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Everybody knows the love
Everybody holds the love
Everybody folds for love
Everybody feels the love
Everybody steals the love
Everybody heals with love

Oh oh oh
Just let the love love love begin

Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
Everybody, everybody wants to love
Everybody, everybody wants to be loved
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

 

 

so I am 100% aware of the absolute ridiculousness of this song and I hope that you aren't disappointed in my choice because it is so cliche. but to be fair, I base my blogs off of songs and not the other way around. so I've had this song picked out for awhile for a potential blog because I love (HAH I said it again) it. also I am aware that I previously blogged about love, but I still felt the need to write about it again because I DO WHAT I WANT YO. :p okay anyways, so I just feel like this so accurately describes everyone's feelings towards love. everybody wants to love and everybody wants to be loved. but sometimes people aren't lucky enough to experience both of these things. and that's a very sucky reality. some people give so much love and don't get any in return. and then there are people who recieve a lot of love but can't really figure out how to show their love in return. I don't know which would be worse, but I personally liked being able to show people how much I love them. I know that it can be very overwhelming for other people, but I just hope that the people I care about know that I really do care and do love them. I'd rather they know that and think I am crazy (which is an accurate statement) than not know and think I am normal (LOL no.) so that's why I try to be very vocal about my feelings for other people. I don't hide my feelings about anything really, especially not if they're positive ones about loving something or someone. because I know that everybody really does want to be loved. I really like the lines "Happy is the heart that still feels pain. Darkness drains and light will come again". this is cool because it basically says that even though it is awesome to love and be loved, it won't be like that all of the time. and that's a good thing! because happy is the heart that still knows how to be rejected and not experience love. eventually the darnkess will drain and the light will shine again. okay one other thing I wanted to talk about is how to define love. we talked a lot about it in philosphy, and I really am unsure as to what my definition truly is. I often say that I love people or that I love places or foods too (nutella DUHHH). but what do I really mean by that? does the word hold less meaning if I love a lot of different people and things? I sure hope not because I really do love  A LOT. I guess I love what makes myself and other people happy. if someone can make me laugh and bring joy to other people, than I love them. I also love people that trust me and don't write me off as crazy right off the bat. I love patient people. I love honest people. I love quiet people and I admire their ability to be fantastic listeners. I love people that are so smart and don't even realize it. I love people who love me back. this last one is one that I recently thought about. I used to just say that I loved people, regardless of their feelings towards me in return. but I think that just like the song says, it's much easier to love AND be loved. so don't be afraid to tell people that they are important to you and that you care about them. you may not be as ambitious as me and come out and say "I love you" all the time. but you should still make sure they know that they make you happy and that you feel lucky to have them. cause I don't know if I can go on loving people who don't love me back. it sounds horribly selfish, but it's the truth. I'm not gonna waste my time on people who don't care.

 

thankfully, I am surrounded by wonderful people who do care and do tell me that they love me....probably more than I deserve. to finish, I'm just gonna give a little overview of my weekend to prove how blessed I am with my amazing friends. so last night I was supposed to babysit, but it got canceled. so instead, Betsy and I went on a date to noodle and co and we just chatted and it was lovely. then we got philip and the three of us went back to my house and ate girl scout cookies and sat on my counter and talked for awhile. eventually the three of us plus neens ended up on my basement couch, cuddling and watching tommy boy. seriously though, it was just great. and tonight, Julie flippin made dinner for a few of my girls and I....it was the sweetest thing ever! she made the meal that she wants to eat at her wedding. we had sparkling cider too! and french silk pie ANDDD pretzel bread rolls. so ya....life is pretty much great. oh and we all left our phones in a basket by the front door which led to us siting at her dining room table for a solid 3 hours just talking. what a perfect weekend. literally the best. I don't know what says love better than 5 girls and french silk pie, ya know? okay well it is time for bed, and I am rather disappointed by this lack luster blog. but I guess if you should take anything away from this it's that you deserve to be loved. boom. and more importantly, you should love other people and not be afraid to tell someone that you care about them. and I absolutely am in love with my friends

xoxo
anonymous blogger