country roads, take me home

hi everyone! I am sorry in advance because this will be a terrible blog post! but I am leaving tomorrow morning at 4:30am for West Virginia to build a house!!! I am so excited! but yes, I know what you're thinking.....NO BLOG FOR A WHOLE WEEK! well actually two weeks cause the following week I'm going to be a camp counselor for special needs kids at camp courageous. but no need to fear, you will survive. anyways....all I want to say is that if you read this, you are one of my favorites. so yay for you! I love you :) also...today was a wonderful day because I will sum it up quickly but essentially I said goodbye to my dear young life counselor who I love because he is moving to England to be with his wife so that was sad. but I made him an adorable bracelet with a jesus fish on it (which btw I learned the story of how the jesus fish symbol came to be...I won't bore you with it but ask me about it sometime!) and we chatted and I wrote him a heart felt note. bitter sweet! my dearest friend Abby left for camp and she was terrified but then Scott (the guy who I said goodbye to) comforted her and I prayed for her and guess what?! she is loving it so far! so keep her in your thoughts if you want cause I am going to and I love her. then I had a heartfelt talk with Jules like we always do but this time I focused on HER not me. surprising, I know. and it was wonderful and I love her and she is just a beautiful person. we also had our LAST TRO SNO OF THE SUMMER. ya I repeat, the LAST F-ING ONE. ya so we said our goodbyes to them. dang today was a day of goodbyes I guess! then we visited our wonderful friend Gen and she is a gem and we chatted for a while and that was just fantastic. and I realized how blessed I am to have so many unreal, amazing, beautiful people in my life! WOW! I am so so so lucky! <3 :) alright so tonight's song is predictable and corny but DEAL WITH IT! country road, take me home, to the place where I belong. WEST VIRGINIA!!!! here it is folks....

Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains
Shenandoah River -
Life is old there
Older than the trees
Younger than the mountains
Growin' like a breeze

Country Roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memories gathered 'round her
Miner's lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrops in my eye

Country Roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin' hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin' down the road I get a feelin'
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country Roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

Country Roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, now country roads
Take me home, now country roads


sooooo I'm gonna be honest and tell you that I have never been to WV and I don't know what to expect. but all I know is that Phyllis and Johnnie are an old, adorable couple who will get a new house in a week so I am excited for that! and for the wonderful stars that are bound to fill the night sky. well I love you all but I have to sleep! ahhhh I wish I could say more but I cannot. I'LL MISS EVERYONE! try not to miss me too much! (sorry I know you won't actually miss me....) remember though if you get sad, I am looking at the same stars as you....pretty cool huh? ok well goodnight! and again, a special shoutout to miss abby who I love very much. be brave cutie pie! God loves you and will take good care of you! BYE!

<3 <3 <3
anonymous blogger

the rest is still unwritten

hi babes. sorry if you are a dude...can you call a dude a "babe"? I don't know...I'm just trying to be creative. well first, did you miss me?!?! lolololololololol just kidding of course you did(n't)!! (you either did or you didn't....either way I am not offended). ok anyways....so I hope ya'll had a kick ass Friday! I know I sure did! but before I get to Friday, we can start with my Thursday. so the day sorta started out sad because my friend called me bright and early and she told me that we could no longer go to her lakehouse because our other friend had a sick family member in the hospital!! :( so we couldn't go but I just felt awful for her because the poor girl had to be in a hospital all day instead of feeling loved by her besties. so during the day I did a bunch of super boring mommy jobs and went to the library and got some books and then on my way home I stopped at Jill's house because I just had to and I love her home. so I went inside since she had nothing to do all day, and we just chatted for a longggg time and it was wonderful. I love her. BUT it was okay because at night we had a sassy heels and skinny jeans girls night (literally my favorite thing of all time!) and the two sweethearts (Pax and Betsy) + me + julie went to dinner and the four of us had a ball. ugh I just love them all and we then made our way to tro sno because of course we would have to do that since we live there. (I DIDN'T GO TODAY AHHHH) and so we went and the workers were hitting on Jules hardcore even though she won't admit it and we got our tro sno and talked to da boyzzzz and then went back to Betsy's house to drop off my sleepover stuff woooo! so we got some straws cause Julie always jokes that tro sno needs them. so we may or may not have given the tro sno boyz our numbers in the box of straws.....#YOLOSUMMERHAYYYYY! so ya we felt super cool and then we strutted through town in our heels because why not? and Paxton wore cheeta pants...did you hear me? CHEETA PANTS people!!! ya. amazing. and we belted some mumford and call me maybe and felt awesome. so then we cuddled on Betsy's couch and watched countless episodes of Friends and Four Weddings and Project Runway (Tim Gunn kills me!!!) and we just died of laughter and may or may not have consumed like  1,000 chocolates. but honestly we had a blast and Paxton had to leave which was so sad, but we group texted eachother a million times so I felt like she was still there with us the whole night. wow I just wish I could sit with these girls and have countless heart to hearts with them over and over again because they are that special. that sounds so so so stupid but it is actually true because they are that cool and mean that much to me!!!! so ya then we just passed out on Betsy's super comfy carpeted floor and it was lovely! so that was my Thursday...I LOVE MY LIFE. I probably sound super spoiled, and I honestly am. God has blessed me so much with these amazing people and experiences. but just when you thought it couldn't get better...it does. because today was unreal. so today Jill and my friend Veronica and I went to my brother's girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (it is very confusing)'s lakehouse. 1) her family is freaking amazing and so sweet and ahhhhh! 2) the house itself is unreal and beautiful and breath-taking 3) the three of us were so comfortable together all day and just had the gigs and laughed our asses off 4) the weather was 100% ideal 5) we went on the paddle boats (is that what you call them? I can't remember....) it's like a giant surfboard that you paddle around on using a paddle.... 6) we went tubing which was great and Veronica and I nearly died because it was super duper choppy! even Jilly went on the tubes yo!! 7) we made bracelets and Jill finished one all by hersel errebody. it's a big deal 8) we ate a lot of food...but it was semi healthy so thats good 9) we took our swimsuits off while in the lake and joined the "club" (I renewed my membership...don't ask) and we got to engrave this wooden fish 10) I took countless pictures and soaked in the sun and it was so wonderful. 11) I actually could just go to 100 naming things that were amazing about today. but we just all felt at peace. it was calming and serene and I can kind of still feel the swaying of the boat. wow. so I honestly would live there if I could because it is simply fantastic (I wish I had a better adjective than that) also on the way home we blasted the most random songs on Veronica's throw back CDs, and we sang some of them in spanish because why not?! so one of the ones we sang in espanol (that means spanish for those of you who may speak German or something else...) was "Unwritten" by Natasha Beningfield....here it is YO...

UNWRITTEN

I am unwritten
Can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries are outside the lines
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes, but I can't live that way, no

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
alright so this is bascially the corniest song ever but every girl would be lying if they said that they didn't enjoy belting this like a ridiclous fool. because we ALL DO! it is super uplifting and enjoyable. it makes me feel so happy to think about rain drops on my skin or that sunshine beaming on a beautiful day at the lake. you know that adjective that I was looking for earlier to describe the whole lake experience? well I think this entire song just about sums not only that up but also my lovely outing on Thursday with the fab four. it just is empowering and it one of those songs that again screams, HEY!! stick up for yourself! be confident. WERK or WURK. and just be open to the idea of a fresh start too. because hey, in actuality, 10 years is over half of the length of my entire life. how sad/amazing is that?! I honestly know nothing in the grand scheme of things and I have so much time to make life different. so although it sucks to admit how little I actually am, it is lovely to remind yourself that you can just kinda start over when you want and just embrace a new life if you want to. you have the power to be anyone you want to be. that sounds idiotic but really think about it. you can do it if you so choose and the fact that we have that opportunity is such a cool thing. but again....only God knows what the future holds and the rest is still unwritten. so try not to worry so much. you've got so many people on your side and the big guy upstairs too. life is not gonna be perfect at all, but if you constantly worry about it, there is no way that you can happy. worrying is the worst. I worry a LOT. I am working on calming the "freak out" inside of me, but sometimes that monster comes back and I am crazy obsessed with my future and what's gonna happen and if I'm gonna be a failure. but then I realize that that isn't gonna change anything at all. it's only going to make me absolutely crazy. so moral of this blog....1) remember to breathe and relax and go with the flow. 2) be confident and write your own story. 3) DON'T WORRY SO MUCH! I saw this picture once and it said, "Don't worry so much, my child. Remember, I got this! love, God." it helps me to think about that sometimes when I am discouraged. I also just want to give a speical little shoutout to my best friend Abby because she is going away to Young Life camp and I encourage everyone to pray for her and for everyone going to camp. they will need a lot of love as they learn about themselves and grow in their relationships with Christ. pray that Abby can grow too and be happy and be strong and an inspiration to others. I LOVE HER. <3 thanks! and I'm OUT.

<3 <3 <3
anonymous blogger

blow me one last kiss

HAPPY HUMP DAY! (NO NO NO, not in a perverted way....get your mind out of the gutter!) ;) hump day simply means that it is half way thru the week incase you were not aware of that! okey dokey so today I took a wonderful trip toe downtown chi town and went to the beach. I love going to the beach. something about the feeling of the sun penetrating your skin and warming your insides makes me so happy. and burying my feet in the sand is also a favorite hobby of mine. and of course I can often be found frolicking in the waves. today we also did something a little crazy and jumped off the pier. the first time that we did it, it was terrifying, but it was also extremely exhilarating because you can't tell what is below and the water is just dark and ominous and when you jump, everything kind of just pauses until you crash onto the surface and when it breaks you plunge downward into nothingness. . . and the first time that I jumped, I actually hit the bottom! but then I resurfaced and felt amazing. like I had broken something inpenetrable somehow. and then the waves started to overwhelm me and it was quite choppy and my friends and I sort of bobbed for awhile while we tried to make ourselves feel settled. so then we climbed out of the water using the ladder and then even though we were panting and looked like old men who just went for a long run, we felt so fulfilled that we just had to jump again. so we did it over and over again until we physically couldn't anymore. so that was very enjoyable I'd say. and then we all just laid in the sunshine and got some color and attempted to get tan lines of goldfish!! which sort of worked but not really because we could not sit still in the sunshine for the long. the sun was BRU-TAL but also wonderful. it is crazy how nothing good is ever good in immense amounts. for example, sunshine is amazing, but with too much, it becomes awful. or ice cream, a normal amount if fantastic, but too much makes you sick and then you never can eat it again without being sick. sleep is awesome for you when you get the correct amount, but too much either means that you are depressed or dead. so ya that was a weird tangent but it is kinda cool to think about. I heard once was that all good things in life become toxic once they go in mass amounts (like I just explained) but faith is one of those things that doesn't seem to fail when existing in these large quantities. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but it's sorta like trusting Jesus or having faith in a higher power and an after life is great in small amounts but also even greater in large amounts too. just some cool food for thought. ok well back to my day. well my old friend that moved away when I was still little came to the beach with us and so that was super fun. because I miss her so much, and it was weird to see her all grown up and what not. I still remember her as a teeny tiny thing when she was 10 and now she is all mature and old and 17 and what not! eeeeeep why are we growing up?! but it was fine because I still got to see her and swim with her and lay out and all that other fun stuff. so ya we all decided that it is very unfortunate that we don't take advantage of the beach or the city enough. because chicago is so close to where I live and there is SO much there. and we could easily embrace the city as our own but instead we forget about it and stay in our own stupid suburbs. so I wanna actually get way better at navgating the city because I did live there until I was 2 and everything so maybe it'll all magically come back to me some day? sometimes I think about whether I will end up in downtown chicago or if I will get away and go somewhere else? cause as much as I say that my town is small and boring and sheltered and blahblahblah...it also is wonderful because I know so many amaing people here and I feel incredibly safe and isn't that what I will want for a family one day? so maybe I will end up in chicago and repeat my life. atleast I'd hope so I guess since I feel very privileged and love my lifestyle and feel so blessed. but maybe, just maybe, I will meet a boy from somewhere else when I go to college in the southeast and then I will get out of this area and can create my own adventure with my family? I guess we won't know for awhile but I am so excited to find out where life takes me! (stay tuned!!) wow that really was a weird tangent....I don't know what is up with me tonight! goodness me! ok well I also had a lovely heart to heart tonight with my man Dave (aka David) and we discussed our relationship over some tro sno (YA JUDGE ME IVE HAD TRO SNO 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW....what's it to you?! actually though that is a bit much) BUT...the point is that I got it all off of my chest and literally just told him that we can't play games anymore and that I have honestly been happy being single. I don't cry anymore like I used to, I don't stay up worrying about him or us, I don't constantly try to fix him or myself for fear of breaking...I just live and grow and learn about myself each day now. ok that sounds dumb but I really do. when I was with him, I was so incredibly connected to him that my every move was his and vice versa. now I am free. free to talk to who I want and do what I want and be whoever I want. (damn I sound like freaking oprah....) BUT I just feel uplifted now. but it did tear me apart to hear him say that he misses having me to lean on and how he feels empty and lonely. because I want so badly to be there for him but I just can't fix him and it drives me crazy. he needs to feel loved but he can't do that until he cares about himself. honestly....its weird to think about, but I truly believe that you can't let yourself be loved unless you love yourself first. and you can't force someone to love themself....but I can keep trying to show others the good in themselves until they want to feel loved. gosh that is uber confusing and I don't even think I made any sense at all. pretty much....I just feel torn because I want David to know that he deserves love and that I do love him but I know I can't change his ideas about himself. but I guess I will keep trying. and even though it really breaks my heart, I had to decide to really blow him one last kiss.....

Blow Me One Last Kiss

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a shit day (no!)
You had a shit day (no!), we've had a shit day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this
I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, Blow me one last kiss.

I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,
Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left
I am sick, whiskey-dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I'll laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a shit day (no!)
You had a shit day (no!), we've had a shit day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me one last kiss.

I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I won't breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of shit
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a shit day (no!)
You had a shit day (no!), we've had a shit day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss

Blow me one last kiss
Blow me one last kiss

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a shit day (no!)
You had a shit day (no!), we've had a shit day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me one last kiss…


ok so I heard this song today on the radio...and it is PERFECT for my situation. Pink is rather intense and probably was in a crazy relationship when she was inspired to write this song because she is a freakin nut. but I actually can relate to this because I finally decided to let go tonight. of course David and I broke up over 3 months ago, but today I finally came to terms with the fact that he is no longer my boyfriend. I can't and shouldn't flirt with him, or bash him, or obsess over his every move. because he is no longer attached to me. ya that is super hard to admit and it is terrifying because I lost a little part of me. but it also very very uplifting because I am sick and tired of my eyes burning from the tears....so I am letting go. there simply is just nothing left for us. I have finally had enough and it really is it. I think WAY to much, and I also talk to much. and like the song says...Dave says a lot of stuff that confuses me and can be full of shit. and I will not miss all of the fighting. of course we had a lot of fun....but the good times do NOT outweigh the bad. it is time for me to LIVE and go out and do something stupid. I want to be free to make my own mistakes and life is way too short to date the same person for over 3 years of your life. I will now try to just do whatever I want and finally breathe on my own again. okay sorry you are probably super annoyed because you are like, "you selfish little betch". but I am sorry, Pink does this to me. listen to the song and you will understand. so tonight I literally decided to blow the boy one last kiss. so we took his dog for a walk and I held his hand one last time and when he dropped me off, I hugged him, and I kissed his cheek one last time and blew him a kiss. AND NOW I AM FREE. of course I still care about him and I will continue to worry but I somehow feel lighter....I told him everything I wanted to, and I feel much happier. and I am totally aware of how ignorant I am being but for some reason I do not care one bit because it is fucking blissful. ok well there it is folks. moral of the story is...I loved dating David. it was great for awhile...but 1) nothing good is ever great in large amounts...and it got to be too much. SO 2) learn to let go. it can be super hard when you don't want to change your normal routine and feel uncomfortable and awkward but sometimes it is just best to breathe, stand up tall, and 3) blow one last kiss

<3 <3 <3
anonymous blogger

P.S. I am escaping to a lakehouse for the next two days so don't miss the blog too much! I'll fill all ya'll in on my adventures when I return! <3

P.S.S. I am listening to this song on repeat and I am so freaking empowered right now that I might just run laps around my house...probably not (let's be real) BUT I WILL belt this song and do some sit ups.....K SORRY FOR MY ANGER TONIGHT! PEACE

everything is going wrong, but we're so happy

hey hey everyone!! happy Tuesday! I hope that your day was as lovely as mine. so today started off well because I made my way to the good old high school and got registered for senior year!!! woooo get crazy betches! haha no not actually but still, it felt kinda cool to be the top dog. SENIORS SENIORS! (clap clap, clapclapclap) love it. ok so then I got my ID picture taken which was unfortunate because 1) I didn't wear makeup 2) I didn't give a shit 3) the stupid picture made my cheeks blow up and I looked chubby! hurray. but it also happened to my skinny friends too so that isn't good but it makes me feel less chubby so we are A ok. but then the crazy school is just under insane construction so I couldn't even wander the halls because the hallways are falling apart and lockers are out of the walls and it is craziness!!! so I couldn't even look for my own locker amongst the insanity. but its whatever cause word on the street is that seniors don't even use their lockers. wooooo! who am I kidding I definitely will use my locker but whatever. ok so then I went to my friend's house and we tie dyed lots of t shirts which was a blast. I made a few bro tanks and dyed them cause I'm going to build a house in WV and its gonna be HOT so I thought bro tanks would be a nice touch. so the tie dye made them even cooler. so YAY FOR THAT. so then we just used a ton of dye and made a huge mess and it was a blast. so I tried to make mine cool and everything but they may or may not have some brown spots on them. so nice. but then we rolled around on the basement floor because it is totally carpeted and we played steam roller (which is a fantastic game if you've never played....) and we discussed fun stuff. and then we made some ramen noodles and mac n' cheese cause why not?! and it was delicious. just like true almost college kids. alrighty so after that I went home and chilled for a little bit and then I walked puppy Cleo to the train station to get my papa. Cleo is crazy about walks....she is the cutest. but then my day got even better because me, Julie, Rob (David's friend...but now my friend too!), and his friend Sam (he's a boy incase you were wondering...and Julie is a girl) hit up tro sno! and 1) tro sno is amazing 2) the shack is pretty cute...not as cool as the other location, but cute 3) tiger's blood is yummy (not actual tiger's blood everyone; just a tro sno flavor so don't you worry) 4) Rob and Sam were a hoot. 5) Sam is just a goof so that made everything better. so we just got ourselves some tro sno which was delish and then instead of being boring and mainstream and sitting at the tables, we decided to go for a little walk since word on the street was that there was a cult near the shack. so we climbed up this super sketchy trail and entered into this tiny town with tiny houses and Rob's head pretty much touched the top of the doorway so that was good. and so we wandered and Rob (he also can go by Bob, Bobby, Robby, Roberto, etc. incase you were wondering cause I might change what I call him throughout the blog if I get bored) kept tryin to open all of the doors but most of them were locked. but then randomly one of them opened and so we went inside...hoping to find the cult of course! but instead we found a small church so we peaced cause that was weird. so then we followed some sketchy trail into the forest cause why not? and we found a spot that is probs for crazy teenage partiers like ourselves. with a LOT of garbage and then I threw my tro sno cup but Julie yelled so I had to pick it up . :( but its cool cause we found our way back thanks to the casual crumbs that we left behind. (we didn't actually leave crumbs but we can pretend) so then we actually went back to the shack and then all of these people started showing up! and we ran into a few peeps that we knew which was great, but we eventually wound up just chilling on this bench (that Julie and I picked up WITH Roberto on it so that was cool) and we asked each other a whole buncha weird questions like "If you were an animal then what plant would you be?" cause Julie loves to know odd stuff like that. so then we all just kept talkin about random stuff and that was just lovely cause they crack me up. it was like all of my favorites together plus Sam (who soon became a favorite of mine due to his witty random statements that made zero sense but made me laugh). it was an interesting dynamic because Rob is very friendly and funny and may or may not be attractive and then Julie clearly is a gem and I love her and then you've just got Sam....and Sam is just one of those guys who says the darndess things and he has green braces and he is sort of quiet but then he just opens his mouth and says something totally random but GENIUS. so the group was just swell and we honestly talked for probably like 2 hours. so yay I have friends! crazy I know, but semi true. and we learned about what boyz do at sleepovers! CRAY CRAY. I don't even know if I could share that with you because it is confidential info according to Bob/Sammy but it is pretty darn crazy. use your imagination. so then the boys got excited about the idea of food and Robby semi ran away for a lil bit but then he returned. so then we were gonna let them go their own way/do their thing but Sam was all, "come with us!" so we were all, "uhh ok surely!" SO then we went to DiNicos cause it is open until 3am! ! ! so then we went and stayed till 3am! LOLZ jk obviously not. but Roberto did get a huge piece of pizza and ate the entire thing so that was casual. and Sam doesn't eat real food and so he ate fried dough of course cause that's casual. so we discussed a few more things and overall it was a lovely evening! It was on my summer bucket list to hang out with Rob so I can check that off now! and hopefully us four can make our way to Olive Garden eventually because unlimited breadsticks and salad (AND did I mention soup?!) are there. so ya that should happen. or maybe those boyz could take us to LT homecoming because that would be a blast and a half. although I don't see Sam as much of a dancer...but maybe. you never know. but ya overall it was a great time and it reminded me of how the most random times with random people can actually make some awesome memories. because I wouldn't have imagined that I would have such a good time! so on that note....I say that we should all just dance to Joy Division....so here it is....

"Let's Dance To Joy Division"

I'm back in Liverpool,
And everything seems the same,
But I worked something out last night,
That changed this little boys brain,
A small piece of advice,
That took twenty-two years in the make,
And I will break it for you now,
Please learn from my mistakes,
Please learn from my mistakes.

Let's dance to joy division,
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong,
But we're so happy,
Let's dance to joy division,
And raise our glass to the ceiling,
'Cos this could all go so wrong,
But we're so happy,
Yeah we're so happy.

So if you're ever feeling down,
Grab your purse and take a taxi,
To the darker side of town,
That's where we'll be,
And we will wait for you and lead you through the dancefloor,
Up to the DJ booth,
You know what to ask for,
You know what to ask for.

Go ask for Joy Division,
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong,
But we're so happy,
Go ask for Joy Division,
And raise your glass to the ceiling,
'Cos this could all go so wrong,
But we're so happy,
So happy.

So let the love tear us apart,
I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
let the love tear us apart,
I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
(Let it tear us apart)
So let the love tear us apart,
I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
(Let it tear us apart)
So let the love tear us apart,
I've found the cure for a broken heart,
Let it tear us apart,
Let it tear us apart,
Let it tear us apart.

Let's dance to joy division,
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong,
But were so happy,
Let's dance to joy division,
And raise our glass to the ceiling,
'Cos this could all go so wrong,
But we're so happy,
Yeah we're so happy,
So happy,
Yeah we're so happy,
So happy,
Yeah we're so happy.

ok so if this song doesn't make you smile....I don't know what will. because this song is GREAT! It is sung by some British dudes so everytime that you sing it you HAVE to use a British accent or it just sounds ridiculous. but it is never ridiculous when Jules and I roll down the windows and belt it off key with the accent and everything. so ya it always reminds me to just cherish those smaller moments in life when everything might not be going so well, but something small happens that just makes you smile and it can change everything. I love when that happens. when a simple game of steam roller or a hug from Bobby can just make you feel so much better. when you can get out of your own head and do something stupid like invade a cult. or creep on Sam's creepy ass van.....we may or may not have done that. and I just smiled a LOT today and even though I did zero sit ups...I literally laughed more than I have in a longggg time. and laughter is honestly such good medicine. I know that sounds silly, but laughter is JOY and joy is great for anyone. gahhhh I want to say something inspirational but I am having a lot of trouble because my tummy hurts. but let's just wrap this up and say 1) LET'S BE HAPPY AND MAKE IT A GOAL TO LAUGH ATLEAST 3 TIMES A DAY! that is atleast people...so do it more than 3 times 2) find a Sam or a Rob to cheer you up! just some goof balls (especially if one of them is cute and rocks bro tanks) to say silly things and just make you smile 3) make somebody else smile by being that silly person and maybe just not caring about what others think and just being yourself. also I got mocked a lil bit for not liking when people judge other people but I am a hypocrite because I do judge people a lot whether I want to or not. BUT I am working on it because I don't wanna be that guy who judges someone and then misses out on a possible friend! so ya....no more judging. unless someone looks super sketch. then avoid them so you are safe. because your safety is important to me! :) ok so goodnight!!

<3 <3 <3
anonymous blogger

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else

ello people. what is UP?! today I was very very proud of myself (just ask me, I'll tell you) because I went for a run this morning (wooooo!) with my good friend Meg. she is awesome and I've been friends with her since I was a wee little one, but she plays insaneeeee club volleyball for this club that kills her. she is like 6'3" and in such good shape and she's gonna play volleyball at UVA. and she quit track for volleyball! (LAME) ok so background info done. basically it's just sad because I never get to see her ever. BUT today she was home and she has like a 2 day break from volleyball so we went for a run cause she wants to stay in shape. crazy I know. but then we went to red mango because I live there and have no life. but my day was made when Meghan and I walked in and we saw our veryyyyy attractive friend that works there. he is adorable and then he gave us free yogurt. ya you heard that correctly....FREE RED MANGO BETCHES. so basically he knows me AND Meg and he was all, "ahhh heyyyy! my fav central girls!" and we were all, "eeeeeeep hi!" and it was great. and then it got even better because we took a picture with him because YES, we are that creepy. but atleast I had a buddy with me! it was pretty fun. sooo then I went to hang out with the babies and I heard some crazy news. my cousins were in a car accident and their car was totaled but thankfully they are all okay! but my poor little cousin had to get stitches in his chin. :( but I am just so glad that he is alright and that they all are too because that is just terrifying! and I love them so much and it just reminded me once again that life is wayyyy to precious to pass by and you just have to show your love to your family. ok tangent sorry. so my BFFL Jules (see post about her if you want more info) came to babysit with me and that was fun because she is GREAT and the babies all LOVEEE her. so that was exciting. and we all just hung out and I caught up with her because I miss her so so so much since she was gone for 10 days. and then we also hung out with da babies but actually there was only one baby today cause the other baby had to go to the doctors office :( BUT we had a good time and we played candy land, used bendaroos (SO MUCH FUN!!!), and then we made these nasty little cupcakes with the easy bake oven. oh AND we played with the littles pet shops. ya like the song that goes, "who's got the twirliest, whirliest, cooliest pets (something like that), LITTLEST PET SHOP THAT'S YOU!" ok so that can't possibly be the right words but whatever. you get the point. we played sing a long with the pet shops. they were super fun and we acted like fools but we loved it. and I may or may not have given the sweaty pizza man the wrong address for the house so then he had to call me and that was weird. and then my name may or may not have been printed on the receipt on the box. ew. creepy. alrighty so then I ate like a million pieces of pizza which were DELICIOUS. YAY PIZZA. and then my cousin had this awesome plastic reusable ice cream cone that spins and it was awesome!!! and then we tried to make an easy bake oven dessert. the cupcakes do NOT work though. WARNING. or maybe Julie and I just suck at making them. cause we put them in the "oven" with the lightbulb for 10 minutes like it said but that just failed. but it's ok cause the kiddies loved them all melty and gross anyways. hahaha it is precious just because everything in their lives is just so simple. and then my precious little cousin olivia said, "guess what?! I have lots of underwears!!!" and then she pulled them out to show us. so yes...that is just normal life in their household. so then following by evening of sitting on babies, we went to Jill's house because we always end up there. and I got to see my friend that has been gone on a youth group building trip so I gave her a huge hug and then we all made our way to tro sno! YA BUDDY. so there are these two cute guys (well ONE of them is cute and the other one is sweet) BUT we talked to them cause we knew they wanted to talk to some pretty girls (ya we are pretty cause our momma's told us and we flaunt it....the usual). so we got to know them on a first name basis. and then I found out later tonight that the boy who runs it (the sweet one not the cute one) set it up just because he's gonna give the money all to charity to build a well. he is so so so sweet now! and maybe a little bit cute? but ya that was fun and since tro sno closes at the end of the week we have to go every day until that happens. maybe not everyday but possibly. ok so then we went back to Jill's house and we belted some good pump up songs....I'm talking classic T Swift and K Clarkson. even some Aly and AJ!!! I met them once...ask me if you don't know the story. most people do since I tell it a LOT but I won't bore you with in in this blog. maybe eventually....hahah oh I can just picture my friend's faces cringing thinking about me always telling the story. alrighty so we just danced like complete fools and screamed and sang at the top of our lungs cause why not? ok so one of the songs that we blasted that just is GREAT and is sung by the one, the only mizzz Selena Gomez is "Who Says". it is such a silly girl song but it is so much fun to belt because it is super empowering. incase you haven't heard it by chance...here it is.....

"Who Says"

I wouldn't wanna be anybody else
hey

You made me insecure,
Told me I wasn’t good enough.
But who are you to judge
When you’re a diamond in the rough?
I’m sure you got some things
You’d like to change about yourself.But when it comes to me
I wouldn’t want to be anybody else.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?
Trust me, that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

It’s such a funny thing
How nothing’s funny when it’s you
You tell ‘em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth
It’s like a work of art
That never gets to see the light
Keep you beneath the stars
Won’t let you touch the sky

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

I’m no beauty queen
I’m just beautiful me

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na

You’ve got every right
To a beautiful life
C'mon

Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?
Trust me, that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

Who says you’re not star potential?
Who says you’re not presidential?
Who says you can’t be in movies?
Listen to me, listen to me
Who says you don’t pass the test?
Who says you can’t be the best?
Who said, who said?
Won’t you tell me who said that?
Yeah, who said?

Who says, who says you're not perfect? (Yeah)
Who says you're not worth it? (Yeah yeah)
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'? (Ooooh)
Trust me, that's the price of beauty (Hey yeah, beauty)
Who says you're not pretty? (Who said?)
Who says you're not beautiful? (I'm just beautiful me)
Who says?

Who says, Who says, you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?

Who says, who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?
Trust me, that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty?
Who says you're not beautiful?
Who says?

Who says you're not perfect?
Who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'?Trust me, (yeah) that's the price of beauty
Who says you're not pretty? (Who says you're not beautiful?)
Who says?

 

ok so sadly enough....this song just reminds me so much of my momma's chat with me about feeling beautiful. even though the way she talked to me about it was sorta weird, I feel like it actually is super important to be confident and love yourself. I've actually tried to stop bashing myself for the past few days and it's been really nice. obviously I don't wanna be cocky, but even though there are plenty of things that I wouldn't mind changing about myself, I wouldn't wanna be anybody else. (except maybe my best friends cause they are wonderful) BUT regardless...even though that sounds super dumb, the whole song is so true. clearly people would get annoyed if you walked around yelling, "I'M SO PRETTY YAY EVERYONE LOVE MEEEEE!" but then again, no one likes the girl who has no self confidence and is constantly bashing herself. I just want to shake some people and say, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. please believe me! it really helps to sing this song believe it or not. because it kinda is like 'king of anything' since it's bascially saying that no one has the right to tell you that you are not brilliant or beautiful or worthy. and beauty to me is so much more than being attractive. to really have beauty, you have to be genuine and sweet AND confident. being humble is awesome but being insecure is a whole different story. I've recently thought about being a pyschologist or a therapist because I want to help people overcome these insecurities and face them. gosh this all sounds so sugar coated and ridiculous and I want to delete it all and start over but I won't because I am too darn lazy. BUT what I will say is that confidence is also being strong enough to speak for yourself and be brave enough to actually trust yourself. I am working on becoming self reliant and having my own thoughts that I am not afraid to share. of course Julie is like the angel sitting on my shoulder that does help me SO MUCH but I really am trying to be more reliant on Christ and myself so that I can speak by mind freely without worrying about what other people may think. well that is super easy to say because I really do care what people think, BUT sometimes I have to remember that I won't see 80% of these people in a year once I'm in college so WHO CARES?! I am going to be me and not be anybody else! moral of da blog....it is pretty self explanatory but 1) God made you YOU. not your friends, not the pretty girl, not the head cheerleader, or the badass chick, but SIMPLY YOU. so why would you try to be anybody else? just accept that you are YOU and werk it. 2) play the 1 down, 3 up game. (no its not some kind of creepy perverted game I promise!) it is simply whenever you or one of your friends says something bad about themselves (ie. I am fat, ugly, undesirable, stupid, annoying, creepy, dull, lazy, etc) they have to say 2 "put ups" (I am smart, beautiful, powerful, brave, friendly, helpful, etc) and even though it may sound dumb, it does help. it can be as simple as, "I like to give hugs" or "my hair looks nice today". also for boys....you can do pushups everytime a guy says something uncalled for that is mean or stupid or I don't know. or do the compliment game if you are feelin that. haha so ya that is all! and remember that when someone tries to put you down, you can think about the fact that no one died and made anyone the king of anything. and also...WHO SAYS that you can't be yourself and be happy? no one. if you let someone else get to you then they win. so do not let that happen.

 

<3 <3 <3

anonymous blogger

 

p.s. tomorrow I am gonna talk to David and clear things us so I will keep ya'll updated

you raise me up, to be more than I can be

what do gay horses eat?

HAYYYYYYY!

LOL that was funny. I hope you enjoyed that. alright so I bet that you missed me since I didn't blog last night!!! you were like, "ahhh I can't live without the blog!" #shitnoonesaidever. ok well it's fine because I am BACK ya'll and boy do I have a LOT to say. you may be thinking, how is it possible for you to say more than you already say? but ya it's possible so prepare yourself.....so this will be a two part blog because I have to fill you in on yesterday first and then today. so let's rewind a bit and go back to Saturday evening. sooooo......

SATURDAY:
alrighty so basically nothing special happened during the day because I just sat around waiting for when I could start getting ready for the wedding. (incase you haven't been keeping track....David's older sister got married last night!!!) alright so the ceremony started at 5pm and it was in the city. so around 2pm I started getting ready. ya know....doing the hair and makeup, etc. etc. etc. and then finally I got to put on my dress!!! it is gorgeous and floor length and sparkly and floral and strapless and beautiful. I am in love with it. it has one strap across the chest and I felt so special wearing it. like a princess!! and my momma said that if we bought it, I had to wear it for homecoming too. so I will! and ya I may be the only weirdo wearing a floor length dress to homecoming but I don't even care because I feel awesome. you know when you can just put on a certain outfit and feel kinda empowered or confident or idk? I usually act confident and stuff, but I am sometimes insecure about my appearance. but I just felt special in that dress! ok so that was like the 50th time that I said that but its cool. ok so enough about the pretty dress. alright so then once I was ready I took some selfies which was great fun. I don't do that often but again the dress just brought it upon me. so I decided that once I put on that dress, I would just try to flaunt it as my mother so kindly puts it....and that is exactly what I did. (I'll get there in a bit) OK so. my mom and I went to the church and when we got there, we were given these gorgeous fans that were for guests to use since there wasn't air conditioning. they were so pretty and had these intricate designs and ya it was awesome. so the bride's husband is from puerto rico so his family members are all super stunning and fancy and they had the most fantastic outfits. and my momma and I sat there admiring them. and then we saw my man Dave so I waved and he came over and chatted for awhile. and then I took a million pictures of this unreal church. it was breath taking. it was giant and had so many pretty details and I was in awe. and the aisle was super long. the church was sorta connected to St. Ignatius high school and it's the 2nd oldest church in the city and it survived the chicago fire!!! (history fun facts woo!) ok anyways you guys are probs super bored because you can't actually see this church unless you stalk my facebook pictures. which would be weird unless you know me. ok anyways....the ceremony started and the music filled the entire church and was lovely and as shannon (the bride) made her way down the aisle I started tearing up because it was so beautiful. David's mom had lung cancer last year and was very very sick. the family spent a lot more time together and it was really hard on everyone. but thankfully she is healthy now and doing SO well. and she looked stunning walking beside Shannon. and I couldn't help but just feel so blessed to know the family and to see her walking her daughter down the aisle. so during the entire ceremony I fanned myself like crazy but I always held back a lot of tears. but they were obviously happy tears. tears of joy really are great. I am so sorry if you've never experienced a good happy cry because it really feels awesome, and I recommend it. I don't think guys happy cry much but I hope everyone can experience it atleast once. especially at a wedding. or maybe when your child is born. I'm a cryer...I cry at movies, weddings, TV shows, books, parties, you name it, I might cry. it is sad but sometimes it's good when it's a happy cry. MUCH better than an ugly cry. ugly crying can be healthy sometimes. it's like when you just feel like shit and you sit in your room and curl up in a ball and sob. ick. the ugly cry helps a lot but can be super awkward too cause you look disgusting afterwards. ok anyways...me and tangents are HORRIFIC tonight. ok so back to the wedding!! SO. they said their vows and were smiling so big when they said the "I do"s and then put on their rings. it was so beautiful. and then the most touching song played....which will be my song of the day soon....once I am done talkin bout the wedding. and then afterwards we made our way to the venue for the reception on these pretty buses! so I was sorta a loner and introudced myself to other randoms which was great. so then once we got there, I was hungry so I munched on a lot of houre derves (damn that is HARD to spell!) and followed David around like a puppy. so we chatted with some people...his momma has 9 sibs and his dad has 5 so there were a LOT of relatives to chat with! and then we all sat down for dinner eventually and the venue was AMAZING. the tables were set up perfectly and everything was so pretty! and I sat at a table with David's brothers, their dates, his parents, his precious grandma, and his two uncles. so I was like family. which was nice and awkward all in one. and probably my favorite part of the night came next. so the groom's two puerto rican brothers (who were HOT) toasted and were super funny and had thick accents and that was enjoyable. ok and then David's other sister who was the maid of honor toasted and was soooo sweet and it made me want a sister so badly! the cloest think that I have is my cousin who is a year and half younger than me. and I love her. but it was just super sweet and we all were crying. even David teared up a bit! so then they cut the cake and were all precious and put it on eachother's faces and what not. and then the music came on and it was like spanish salsa music. so the groom's family was going crazy and doing all of these fancy moves and I was in awe! but then my jams came on so I hit the dance floor and danced a lil bit. David's mom even came out and danced with us! she's the best. but David refused to dance which was LAME. and eventually the dance floor died down and I was disappointed because I wish that there was more dancing. at my wedding, people will DANCE and they will like it! because dancing makes everyone feel better. but David and I did get a LOT of time to chat cause he had no one else to talk to and neither did I. and a million people kept asking me if I was dating him and that got sorta weird cause I had to explain to them that we were just friends now but we used to date. and some people understood and other people were just smiling and said, "oh that's nice!" BUT a lot of people complimented my dress and I was so happy because I felt super special. and so I tried to WERK it (work is so much better when it's spelled like WERK) ok so then things got kinda weird. because David told me that I looked beautiful and he was really nice to me. so then my head started getting really confused and my heart was confused and is confused. and you are probably thinking, "YOU'RE AN IDIOT YOU JUST RANTED ABOUT HIM TWO SECONDS AGO" but now I am like ahhhhh what?! It's weird because one second he is a jerk and the next he's all nice. so basically afterwards we were texting for a long time and he admitted that he was mean because he misses me and he doesn't like being single and yesterday reminded him of that. AND NOW I'M ALL "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO AHHHH!" because I've liked being single but I do miss him. BUT don't worry everyone...I am not going to be stupid. so I told him that we both have to work on loving ourselves and becoming more mature so that if we ever do get back together....it will somehow be different next time. so I think I handled it well. but now it's all weird because I feel like he sorta likes me but I don't know if he misses the idea of me and companionship and a hook up buddy and I don't wanna get back into that mess. and he's texting me a lot and being all flirty and ickkk I don't need that right now. I sorta just need another realtionship so that I could see what it might be like to be with someone else. I mean I've only dated him and only kissed him and blahhhh it's all so confusing. sooooo ya who knows that will happen?! I just need Julie to keep me sane and not let me go back to him so soon. I need to be a big girl and be single. and I got some good advice and that was just to do what makes me happy. and it sounds so simple but it is so true. right now, I am happy being single and feeling free and trusting myself. I've gotten closer to friends and I barely cry anymore so I feel lighter....less stressed and stuff. so that is great. we will see!!! help me God! pleaseee! haha I am also working on growing in my Faith and relationship with Christ cause that guy has a LOT of answers. :) <3 ok so part 1 of the blog is done....here is PART 2!!!!

SUNDAY:
so I woke up late today and my momma and I decided to run some errands. so we drove around like crazy people and I felt like a mom cause I did a ton of shopping and stuff. but it wasn't very fun so I do NOT want to be a mom anytime soon. BO-RING. I mean I love children but not all the other stuff associated with parenthood. so first I will be a teen and a babysitter and later when I fall in love and get married I can pop out a few kiddies. eww I don't know why I said "pop out" cause that sounds so weird. ew. ok anyways....so then my grandma came over for dinner and that was awesome because I miss her and I love her so much. so we chatted and I showed her alllllll of my pictures and she sat there and ooooed and ahhhhhed over all of them cause she is a gem. and then after dinner I went to my friend's house to watch the BACHELORETTE! TEAM JEF YAYYY! he won Emily's heart! so a bunch of crazy hormonal teenage girls sat around with a crap ton of food and watched Emily fall in love. it was precious. I love those girlies and I cuddled with some buddies and ate a lot of food and was super jealous of Emily and Jef's cuteness. so that was just LOVELY! but the concept of that show is just super weird. I could NEVER share one guy with 15+ girls. NO. he is mine and only mine. never ever ever. I am probably just the jealous type but reallly that would be super duper weird. like I would get sick picturing my man kissing other girls. NUH UH HUNNY. never. so ya don't sign me up for that show! ok so tonight's song is inspired by the wedding. if you remember earlier...I said that a certain song played at the wedding. and that song was "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban. it was adorable and it is inspirational. here it is....

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

 

 

this song is simply beautiful. I think I speak for most people when I say that we all want a love like this. and if you can find it then that is just fantastic. but then again, sometimes we take people for granted in our lives that do love us already for who we are. and we need to stop looking for the attention of certain people and have some confidence in ourselves. and appreciate the love we already have. you know that list that I mentioned in the last post? well incase you don't....the list is just a list of all of the people that I love very much. it just helps me to put things into perspective. I know that my mom and dad obviously love me. and of course my brother and my grandma too! and I hope that my closest friends love me the way that I love them. <3 but someone who always will love me, even if I never find a man to love me (hopefully it'll happen) is Christ. I know it might sound dumb but Jesus is an awesome guy because he will ALWAYS be there for me and for everyone. especially when my soul is weary. and the coolest thing is that you and me BOTH take God's breath away. it's amazing to think about. ok so purpose of the blog.....1) this is a common thing that I keep bringing up but I just think it is super important....LOVE YOURSELF and love others who are most important to you. and forget about those who could care less. 2) stay confident and hopeful that you will always feel loved. because even if you aren't religious, know that jesus STILL cares SO much about you. he will always raise you up when it may feel like no one else can. 3) AND most importantly....find something in your life that makes you feel really special. for me, it's that dress. It makes me feel beautiful and helps me be confident. so find that thing and WERK. alright that is all. love you guys!

 

<3 <3 <3

anonymous blogger

 

P.S. If you don't know anything about this Jesus dude and are interested....or you just wanna talk about religion...please please let me know!!! I have suggestions on where to start or how to start and I promise you it is a very rewarding journey to find Christ. he's the best <3

when people run in circles it's a very very mad world

so HEY! TGIF!! that sounds incredibly corny but really....let's thank God that it is Friday because Friday is a wonderful day! and just like Monday usually makes people feel sucky, Friday has this awesome way of making people feel just the opposite. it's like the idea of Friday just liberates you. so today I woke up and skipped the whole running thing. I woke up at 9:30 and did that thing where you roll over and then wake up and it's 11 magically. oops. ok so then I hung out for a little while and then met a few girls at the park to have a picnic. the group of girls was kind of different; I was sorta nervous about it just because we don't all usually hang out together and I didn't want it to be awkward. but thankfully it couldn't have gone any better. we sat around on a blanket and talked and then we played cards and ate lots of food. and took some artsy pics of course! and it was just great because I felt so comfortable around everyone and one girl who came is someone who recently separated from an old group of friends, and it felt so good to know that she could fit right into my group of friends. it was just so much fun and I was ashamed that it was only my first picnic of the summer. picnic's are just so great and stereotypically summer and I love them. so then we went to play mini golf and that was fantastic. 1) we spotted a hot group of guys that were a few groups in front of us so we stared at them a little too much 2) I randomly won? 3) what....? did I mention that I suck at mini golf....or any kind of golf actually? David tried to teach me last summer and it was quite comical. but anyways...after we killed it on the put put course, we made our way to steak n' shake because the two girls I was with had never had a milkshake from there! C'MON PEOPLE GET WITH IT!!! so so so good! so we downed our milkshakes and went our separate ways. it was just awesome. alright so then I later had this strange realization that I often am eager and super excited (ok now don't get me wrong...clearly I knew this before today, I'm not an idiot) BUT it was today that I truly recognized how sometimes my eager attitude can come across as pushy and possibly kind of creepy. especially when I text! because I send long messages and use "haha"s and smiley faces and its probably just super annoying. so I felt super guilty because I keep asking that friend of David's that I mentioned before if he wanted to hang out. he's just really nice and I love new friends but I think I just come across as way too excited. so then today I realize that maybe sometimes not everyone is as excited as I am to hang out. cause I bet that I've scared people away by my eagerness/aggresiveness and it was hard to admit to myself that maybe someone wouldn't want to hang out with his friend's random ex girlfriend. it suddenly makes a whole lot of sense but I just laughed at myself cause I felt so stupid. but then again it was all made alright when I went to my friends house who I haven't seen in forever. we literally sat in her kitchen and talked about life and how we love the idea of doing random favors for people. she went to an awesome camp where everyone was super friendly and we decided that we would try as best as we could to spread the love...especially around our school. so next week we are going to 1) bake cookies and drop them off on some of our friend's doorsteps anonymously 2) pay for random people's meals that are behind us in line at a drive thru at a fast food restaurant 3) write some anonymous notes to people that we love 4) send some enouraging text messages to brighten people's days and anything else that we can think of! and we're hoping that by giving some love...we can make someone feel better and they will then share that love with somebody else. so ya that's what we talked about and we just lied down on her kitchen floor and that is how we spent our Friday night. and I love her and I wouldn't have changed a minute of it. but today's song is simply about how without people remembering to spread this love and positivity, we would have a mad, mad world. therefore, the song is "Mad World" by Gary Jules. here it is....

Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are fillin' up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you'
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

Children waitin' for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sits and listen, sits and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you'
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you'
Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
A raunchy young world
Mad world
ok so this song is clearly very dark and kind of depressing. and frankly, it makes me so sad because it is 100% true. I chose this song mostly because of the tragic shooting at the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado that occured last night. it sickens me to think that someone could simply get a gun and start shooting just because he felt like it. and no one could stop him. just like how a student can walk into school with a gun and do the same thing. I read both Columbine and 19 Minutes (by Jodi Piccoult) and both are about school shootings (the one is 19 Minutes is fictional but loosely based off of Columbine). and it is awful because both are super intriquing and I feel gross just reading it but I can't stop because it is so addicting. tragedy is such a weird thing because it has this strange way of bringing people together. just like I couldn't stop reading the book, people aren't going to forget about this shooting. and although it is disgusting and tragic and horrible that someone could do this and there is nothing to prevent this chaos, it is slightly refreshing to see people praying together and supporting eachother. imagine how many people prayed today for the victims or simply thoughts about the tragedy? how many hearts went out to those people involved? and it is then and only then that I am able to find peace in this mad, mad world. because it is so true that people can feel empty and hollow and saddened, but sometimes there is just something that awakens everyone and makes us realize that there is just SO much to live for and we can't sit around and let it pass by. because yes, it is a mad world and there is a lot of heartache and shit that we can't control. but why not try to start spreading the love and instead of being united by tragedy, maybe one day we could actually be united by something amazing...like a nation wide day of praise or a record for the largest amount of random hugs given? (if you haven't seen the free hugs video please please please watch it NOW! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4 ) sure, it is such an idealistic thought and clearly I know that not everyone will just want to drown in happiness and make cakes out of rainbows (Mean Girls reference round 2 errebody!) but I'd rather die knowing that I atleast tried and maybe affected someone's life positively than think about the fact that some people couldn't care less. cause maybe I could be the person who changes that for them. SO. moral of this blog...1) appreciate what you have in life and share the love! I heard someone say on the radio (94.3 KLOVE!!!) today that we need to cherish every breath...so let's do that! 2) be kind and compassionate as much as possible and do some simple acts of kindness 3) don't forget to unite over things that are positive and not always focus on tragedy 4) this one is random but I just remembered it...work on setting some goals, sorta like new year's resolutions....and aim to reach those goals. my friend and I talked tonight about how we have sorta failed on our resolutions...so I am now determined to do a better job. 5) take some time to do simple things like have a picnic with a random group of friends or lay on the kitchen floor and discuss life...because why not?! 6) don't be afraid to be a little bit too eager...because even though my new friend might not be as excited to spend time with me...I'm just gonna keep being me and hopefully my true friends will appreciate it. but I will actually work on being less creepy. ok so here is my list of new year's resolutions incase you are inspired but need a little jump start.....mine is simply on a note in my iPhone....

1) Put others first and be less selfish
2) Be positive and avoid gossip
3) Try my hardest and don't complain
4) Make new friends but also get a few really close ones
5) LET LOOSE AND HAVE FUN! (this one was written in all caps on my phone)
6) Grow in my faith and try to go to church more often
7) Spend time equally with my boyfriend and friends (this one is no longer applicable soooo....mission accomplished?)
8) Love my "list" very well (I have a list of all of the people that I care about and love)
9) Stay healthy along with friends and family!!!
10) Stay in touch with Mike more (my brother)
11) Embrace me inner Pocius (as in my beautiful friend that I laid on the floor with tonight...)

ok so that is all for tonight. <3 also my friend that I hung out with tonight is now a reader of the blog...welcome!! I love you!

<3 <3 <3
anonymous blogger

P.S. tomorrow is David's sisters wedding and I am so ridiculously excited but I will likely get home super late and not be able to blog tomorrow night. so incase you get worried or something (which is highly doubtful), I am not dead. I will just fill you in on Sunday then! nighty night! <3