you are more than the problems you create; you've been remade

happy saturday/by the time this is posted it'll be sunday! so I guess happy selfie sunday to everyone!! I think the last time that I blogged was from Tulane. I have to try to think about what's happened since then....well last weekend we didn't have any homework since we were supposed to work on college apps, so I pretty much stayed inside all weekend to do them. friday, saturday, and sunday baby! WOOO THAT WAS AWESOME! except I got 4 of them totally done and sent in so that actually was enjoyable. plus on saturday night a group of us went to statesville. randomly it wasn't even that scary!! Jacob came with us too which was nice! and so I pretty much surgically attached myself to him and he was cracking jokes the entire time and the people in the haunted house were making of fun of him so that was enjoyable. alright so side note, this blog isn't going to be posted till way later than when I started it because I as babysitting, then the parents came home, then I returned to my house, got in bed, and here we are! so as I was saying, Jacob went to Statesville with us and it was fun! not that it matters, but in case you care (which you don't; but this is my blog so I Will do/say what I want) I don't really know if I "like" him or not. we do text a lot and he is always super nice, but I'm just unsure. I honestly switch off everyday. one day I'll think, yep I do like him. and then the next I'll be taking a quiz in math and think, no way; I don't like him. I do not know. I am a silly one. oh well! I think we will hang out alone next weekend and that may clear some things up for me. oh and he brought two friends with him to statesville and one of them was extremely attractive. andddd he asked for Julie's number so YOU GO GIRL! woo! alright so that pretty much sums up that weekend. then we had school all week; yay school! I don't really feel like it was all that eventful in terms of the actual school related stuff. I had a cool field trip to the city and we saw "The Book Thief" as a play. I really really love that book and recommend it if you haven' had the pleasure of reading it yet, but the play was really good too! I may or may not have teared up a bit at the end...it was good! then we had lunch at navy pier...classic english field trip style. and it was hilarious because we sat outside for part of the time and my friend got so scared over the birds and so she screamed and yelled and made a huge scene and things were flying and it was freezing and we had to go inside. oh and I got a McDonald's cone because I love them, except it cost $2.10 instead of $1.10....so needless to say, I was semi pissed. but on the bright side, they were handing out free jamba juice samples! (holla!) (holla for a dolla honey boo boo childddd) sorry I had to. ok so then Friday (yesterday) was sushi Friday at lunch which is always a plus. hurray for that! oh and I had a ridiculous amount of tests at the end of the week but I got em all done with few problems so cheers to that. I don't know why I just said cheers....I suppose if you're drinking while reading this then cheers! if not...you can pretend to hold a glass up and cheers for shits and gigs. wow sorry it is late so that is probably why I am being so weird. actually who am I kidding? I am usually this odd. ok so another big part of my past 2 weeks has been drama revolving around the boy. and my the boy, I mean David. I am just trying not to speak his name or say anything about him, good or bad. because its painful and frustrating to bring him up and he has been the topic of conversation a lot lately. my beautiful and wise friend Paxton reminded me of this trick of not speaking his name or acknowledging his existence...so I'm gonna try that. and I am doing it in combination with Julie's advice of snapping a rubberband on my wrist everytime I am tempted. I started today and there is a deep impression where the band was all day. ouch. it is going to take some getting used to. but it is helpful. so I don't know if I really want to hash out the story because it is hypocritical but I will anyways cause I feel like writing it all down usually helps. pretty much David is now dating a sophomore girl who he claimed he didn't like and wouldn't like. even after they first hooked up he told me it was nothing. then they're conveniently together. and so people are weirded out and he is a mess. because to be honest, he doesn't have many close friends anymore and even his golf friends have kinda ditched him. so now he is pretty much stuck with this girl who doesn't have the best reputation with guys (not that I should be judging because that isn't fair since I don't know her and David claims she is very nice), but basically I picture him isolating himself and getting really attached. and then them separating and him having nothing. and not only is he older than her, but they've already gone far and I just think that's icky. and apparently her parents walked on and them and I don't know why I know all this but I do and I almost wish I didn't. and then he comes to me for guidance and I'm so conflicted because I want and need to help him but then again I feel the need to be honest with him.  so I kinda just told him straight up that it made me uncomfortable and I wasn't very warm and fuzzy. gahhhhhsfhahflafiodhdio. sorry that was simply necessary. but whatever. it just still hurts a shit ton to see him with another person. I think that is the dumbest part of a break up. 6 flipping months later and I am happy and don't miss him and would not want to go back to being with him; yet I can't stand him with another girl.  I guess I kinda am glad that she's younger and that people think it's weird cause it is easier for me to feel uneasy about it. that sounds horrible.  I do want the best for him, but sometimes it is just simpler for me to act all upset and bitchy about it. but I am done with having any attitude or opinion about it because I am no longer speaking of it. or I mean I can and just wind up with scars on my hands from the rubberband....and I don't want that. but that did help to sort it out with writing. ALRIGHT ENOUGH ABOUT THE BOY. actually, what boy....? I don't know any boy who is worth wasting my blogging space about? ;)

UNLESS that boy/man is Channing Tatum. I am perfectly fine talking about him. mmmmm Channing.....let's all take a moment of silence for Channing and his perfect body. okay that was great. well I should probably get to the whole song thing for this post considering it's 1:29am...well tonight I had a little bit of trouble choosing a song because I've been going back and forth between 2!! as of right now I still don't know which one to choose. but I am randomly feeling this one song only because it is less popular than my other possible choice. this song is called "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North.  here it is....

"You Are More"

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade.

 

ok so I try not to choose religious songs, only because I know that not everyone who reads this wants to hear me babble about religion. but then I remembered that this blog is for me and I and not trying to please people with it. plus my faith is part of who I am so if it bothers you, then we will have to just work around it! also I feel like this song has more of a universal meaning that one solely about faith. this song is fairly straight forward to me, but I sent the link to it to the boy (see above rant if you forgot who 'the boy' is) and he didn't totally get it. so I'll explain it in case you don't see if how I see it. when I hear this song, I picture someone who has messed up and either has a large regret, or just feels like they are stuck and aren't good enough for love. I see this applying to pretty much anyone. in the music video for this song, all of these different people write their regrets and past struggles on a chalk board, and in the end, all of it gets wiped clean by water. the words are super diverse and are unique to each person. that is my favorite part. each person has an inner demon that they want to get rid of, and almost all of us feel hopeless at some point. but this song says that each person was created with a purpose, and even though you might create problems or make stupid choices, you are MORE than all of that crap. its not about what you've done, but what's been done for you.  its not about where you've been, but where your brokenness brings you to.  I think God tests us with hard times so we can grow from them and learn. he made me and you and everyone else with a set idea in mind of what he wanted, and he would never change that. he sees us as beautiful and flawless no matter what. and you can always be remade. even if the whole God thing isn't for you, you can still always start over. don't let your past or a reputation or anything hold you back. I think I am going to make a list of all of the things that are holding me back and are dragging me down, and then I am going to burn it or rip it or just let it fly away outside. it sounds dramatic and dumb, but I think it might help me to realize that I AM MORE than all of those little things. my wonderful friend Bridget once told me that when she looks to the stars, she remembers that we are just a teeny tiny part of this huge world, and our problems aren't really problems at all. that's what I think of when I hear this. I need to get over my insecurities and failures and allow myself to be remade. I am worth it and so are you. oh and another thing that I almost forgot; last night, I got to perform (for poms) to shake it out. I blogged about this song before because it's one of my favorites. we did a lyrical routine, and even though it was sort of odd and I suck at lyrical, it felt super empowering to metaphorically shake it all out. I see a connection between this song and shake it out because both remind us to get rid of all of the crap and bottled up hate and anger and everything and let loose. ok so the moral of this blog would be 1) don't let the past hold you back 2) don't change who you are to please people (I didn't address this directly, but its been on my mind) and 3) remember that you are MORE than the choices you've made, your past mistakes, and any problems you've made. you can always always always be remade. learn from mistakes and embrace those flaws!

 

much love

 

xoxo

anonymous betch (lolz jk I meant blogger)

 

PS shoutout to my loyal BFFL abby for checking this blog every single night for a new post...that is dedication! love you babe

PSS if your read this blog, I clearly love you since I believe a total of 8 people have the link for this. so happy sweetest day (it was yesterday shhhh) LOVE YOU!

It's a good life, It's a good night to be alive

hey errebody! so this post was supposed to go out yesterday but unfortunately I didn't have an available computer to write it on and my fingers cramped from typing it all out on my phone (#firstworldpains) lolz twitter speak. but anyways...I am only telling you this so that I can say happy belated selfie sunday!!! for those of you who don't know (I assume you should all know what this is since if you read this, I am obvi tight with you, which means you have likely received a selfie...if not, scold me for that! I apologize cause you have been missing out!) but pretty much, selfie sunday is just where one dedicates some time on a sunday to send a selfie to anyone they choose...usually it works best to send it to people you are talking to/want to talk to/haven't talked to in awhile. usually it's a fun way to break the ice or make a fool of yourself or both! if you're lucky, you might even get one in return! :) that's my favorite! it's sorta like snap chat...but better because you can save the pictures and use them for blackmail!!! actually no I am only teasing...I don't do that kind of schenanigans. ok anyways....last night my selfie was of me and my friend via because I am visiting her this weekend at Tulane! and the weird thing is (to get a little bit of a back story), via grew up in Australia and would visit twice a year cause her parents and aunts and everyone grew up in America (her parents just moved the family to Australia before she was born) and so we were best friends since our parents were friends since they all worked together. and then fate brought us together when she was 13 and moved here!!! ahhhh it was awesome! and we ended up at the same high school...I shadowed her actually. and now I am shadowing her in college! how crazy is that though?! the world is so small....so so small. ok sorry so.....AHHHH hence the purpose of this entire blog...COLLEGE LIFE Y'ALL! I am so flippin pumped. so I guess I should begin with Saturday....I woke up early in the a.m. and headed to the aeropuerto (for those non speaking spanish students...that means airport) ok so then I got on my flight and sat between the most precious old people who actually were married. and their daughter went to Tulane! ahhh so we chatted and they talked about how much they love the school and what not and it was wonderful. we laughed, we cried, etc. etc. ok so then I felt even more ready to get to nawlins. lolz no one here actually says in like that but its fun to type out. nawlins nawlins nawlins. ok I'm done...I can refer to it as NOLA (new orleans, louisianna for those of you who aren't catching on....) so I got off of the plane and it was...drum roll please....85 degrees outside! WHATTTT?! from freaking 40 degrees in chi city to 85....I was satisfied. so I got on a bus and headed to the school. I just creepily people watched (I enjoy people watching way too much) and I stared out the window to take in some of the city. then we passed through the garden district (where Tulane's campus is) and it was gorgeous! finally I arrived on campus and met via. we went to her dorm building and I was welcomed by 10 screaming, dancing girls who were learning fun dances like the wobble. so I joined in of course! then we laid out on the lawn and were happy and what not. it was wonderful. later I toured the campus a bit with via and was pleasantly surprised with how amazingly beautiful it was. so many crazy cool trees with moss and awesome green quads with brick buildings. I was happy. so then I got to go out with a buncha these crazy kids on via's floor. basically all of the girls on her floor are BFFLs and the guys on the floor below them are too! so we all went out together and hit up a few frats and then went to this bar called the boot that all of the Tulane kids end up at always. its pretty much ZG on crack. wooo dance party! and I got to dance with some college boyz woop woop. so I mean that was good! especially when I asked one guy "how old are you?" and he said, "20" and I said, "ok good! me too!" LOLZ IM A LIAR. ok enough with the lolz today. but it was very very fun!! then I passed out in via's bed with her and the next day she had to studyyy for her midterms. so I hit up the library with some of her friends and her. so basically this school is very "work hard, play hard". so we did that, then got some FOOD! never before has food tasted so delicious. I had a banana and nothing else on sunday until like 5. so that was magical. college cafeterias will be the death of me when I get to school. its unlimited people....UNLIMITED! that means endless pasta, rice, salad, pizza, cookies, soup, paninis, fruit, juice, soda, did I mention cookies?! oh and oreo milkshakes....ya that happened. so I mean I took full advantage of that while I was here. then we just hung out and what not. via was nice enough to take a study break and take me to downtown NOLA. it was probably my fav part of the weekend. we took a street car, which is basically a sick trolley attached to a wire, into downtown, and then we toured Bourbon street. its really narrow, so it's essentially like neon flashing signs and music everywhere and people wandering about and so much energy! the street is blocked off. and mind you, it was wild on a sunday night. imagine a weekend night! or MARDI GRAS OMGGGG! ya so that was so freaking cool. pretty much new orleans has a culture and life of its own. everyone here says "only at Tulane!" or "only in New Orleans!" because its TRUE. so then via and I went to this place called cafe du monde for benets (powdered fried dough....its heavenly) and hot chocolate. and we listened to live music and saw some gypsies and a church and what not. and we decided its an ideal date spot. literally amazing. then we wandered a bit and headed back to school. so that takes us to today. I went on an official tour today, and I felt like an old pro wandering campus. so I saw lots of students and I ran into like 7 people I had met over the weekend. I honestly feel like I am friends with people now after 3 days I don't want to leave. I could stay here and easily call it home. maybe next year?! :) :) :) what a scary thought....college is so exciting but I hate choosing things. maybe I should finish the app first? but anyways...after the tour I had some time to kill before via was done so I sat under this gorgeous tree and took it all in and people watched some more (I have problems...) and I wrote this "why Tulane?" statement for their app because I was feeling inspired by it all. wow I could honestly ramble on and on about why this weekend was wonderful. but instead I will post a song to explain how I feeling.....it's actually an all time fav of mine and I'm glad I am finally using it! it's called "Good Life" by Andy Davis....check it out yo!

Good Life

This morning was alright.
Yeah, I woke up at lunch time
Went to bed about Sunrise 
and I might do it again.
Last night we were downtown
Just some boys getting too loud
Trying to find us a good crowd
Whichever door would let us in

Don't know when we're leaving
But you can bet 
We'll be gone this evening

It's a good life
A good life
A good night to be alive

We earned a degree in
Chasing Vanderbilt women
And learned us a lesson
Sometimes a poor boy can't win
We struggle to pay rent
Cause jeans are expensive
Professional children 
It's just this
Way that we live

Forget that job that deadline
Your friends are here, they can
Help remind you it's a 


good life
A good life
A good night to be alive

It's a good life
It's a good life, yeah.
It's a good life.
It's a good life, yeah.
It's a good life. 
It's a good life, yeah.
It's a good life...

ok so pretty much I want you all to know that it's a good life! no but more than that, this weekend I got to relax and see into what could possibly be my future. I saw some hardworking kids having a lot of fun and loving life. they all had pictures of high school friends taped on their walls, but when I asked them if they missed home, they all unanimously replied that even though they occasionally missed people, they were loving life at Tulane way too much to be sad. I can only hope that I can find happiness like that. I am so lucky to be able to pretty much choose where I go without worrying too much about financial stuff (don't get me wrong....it is definitely a part of my decision, but not as much as most people) we are so spoiled because we just assume people from our high school are going to college...because nearly everyone is fortunate enough to. but seriously, I just hope all of my friends end up happy. because this life is a good one, and sometimes we have to remember to forget that deadline and just live. your friends are here to remind you of this good life that we have....take advantage of it! I helped a girl this weekend (or atleast I like to think I helped her) work through so tough stuff (with the assistance of Julie of course) and I just think this song applies really well to her too. because even though things were shit for her...it all worked out. because guess what? it is a GOOD LIFE people. sorry for the optimism, but I like to think that stuff does have this crazy way of working itself out. so I pray for the best next year for all of my lovely friends because they deserve lots of happiness! I am incredibly sad to leave this place, but I do want to see the beautiful faces of my girls, and my puppy cleo, and my parents a little too I suppose! ;) and who knows, maybe I will be returning here next year?! 

xoxo
anonymous blogger 

and for the first time, what's passed is past

honestly just sitting in  bed with my computer open to this blog is making me feel 1000x better. blogging for me is so cathartic...it helps me get all of my random thoughts down and just be honest and actually process what has been going on in my life. during the school year, time is such a strange thing. in school, it passes painfully slowly, but at home, it goes way too fast! I'm on facebook and I'm texting a friend and then suddenly its 8pm and I still have 20 pages of AP bio and I have to study for a micro quiz and I need to edit the stupid college essay and still continue to text people and solve problems and check my twitter feed for pointless little updates on frivolous things and make my lunch and snack and feel guilty about snacking and think about how I haven't run in forever and wanting to run but lacking the time and desiring to do sit ups to get a flatter tummy and wanting so badly to read my seventeen magazine that has been sittng idle on my counter for two solid weeks and half paying attention to the TV shows my parents are watching and listening to music and wanting to throw my freaking phone out the window and just STOP. and breathe. and do nothing at all. because that list could go on forever and ever and ever. but I decided to end it to spare you a headache. point is, there is a LOT going on, and there doesn't seem to be an endless amount of time. I say that I want to live my life to the fullest and be positive and spread love and joy etc. etc. etc. but it is so incrediby hard not to get bogged down by all of this filler. and thrown on top of it all is my faith. I always leave out God. I listen to K love radio station whenever I can so that I can have a form of worship, but honeslty I put Him aside a lot, and even though I claim to be a follower of Christ, I often feel like I don't have "time" for him. I tell the girls that I lead that there is always time, that we have to make time, that He will be there always. but then I doubt myself when there are weeks when I am struggling and can't even fit in 10 minutes to pray. that sounds so dumb because if I put my iPhone away for a few hours, I'd be much more productive and could make time. but it's almost like I want to be busy and distracted and fill my time with this junk because it is a lot of times easier to complain about being busy and having homework then it is to stop it all and actually reflect. don't get my wrong, reflection is wonderful. it's what I am doing right now actually! but it is scary too. I don't like dissecting my every move because frankly, I am often ashamed of how I act or what I do. ashamed might be too strong of a word though, maybe just embarrassed? or bored by my actions? I feel like I should be doing so much more than still being so dang monotonous. but at the same time, upon reflection, it is much easier for me to notice that I actually have been doing a lot and actually having an amazing year so far. it sounds dumb, but my form of reflection recently has been via facebook. because it was my last homecoming (I'll discuss that soon, don't worry) I was inspired to look at old facebook albums to inspect the ghosts of Homecoming's past. I then went through my entire "senior year" album to check out what I've been up to and what not. and I really was satisfied. sad that I needed the facebook pictures to remind me of the memories I've made, but that's why I took the pictures in the first place. sure, we all selishly enjoy getting "likes" and comments on our cute pictures, but I honeslty do enjoy capturing the memories. some say that if the memory is important enough, you'll remember without the picture. I'd have to disagree though because when I look at certain pictures, I can suddenly recall so much more about what was going on in that moment (what ifelt, who I was with, how my life was at the time, etc) and without the image, I doubt I could recall all of it so specifically. I guess this whole blog has kind of been one long tangent so I should probably get into something substantial so that any creepers can know what I have been up to! well let's back track to two saturdays ago...a day after my last blog. so it was the day of the white out soccer game and it was also the day that I met Jacob (my HC date) for the first time. so I had a super obnoxious white out outfit on, complete with the awkward white pants, t shirt, bandana, etc. but mama T made me change so that I made a good first impression and blah blah blah. okay mommmm....so I put on a cute sweater and white shirt and I will have to admit that I did feel much cuter and was satisfied with my outfit choice. so I met Jacob and we hung out at the game and later went to the school play (which was suprisingly wonderful!) and had a lot of fun! he was a sweetheart and he also is very cute....but actually. ok so I was just happy because I was so glad that he wasn't awkward and I had a feeling we would have fun at Homecoming together. oh and we went to DiNicos (two nights in a row wooo!) which is always good. and we got shitty hot chocolate and wandered around Lagrange....and we all know how much I love Lagrange so I don't need to rant about that again. alrighty so then we had....dun dun dun....HOMECOMING WEEK! or as we like to call it in poms terms....hell week part dos. we have so many practices for poms and its loco! BUT it was a wonderful week because my beautiful Julie was chosen to be on court and my heart melted and Bridget was too and so was sweet Jill! so I honestly felt like a proud mama and wanted to just let everyone know that those are my best friends! to make it even better, JILL WAS CROWNED THE QUEEN! I started crying instantly....wow. ahhhh so that was wonderful! it would've been cool to make court, but I never ever expected it, and I don't know if I already said this in the last post, but several different, kinda random people told me they voted for me. so that was sweet and made me smile. ok so then we had our huge pep rally performance and even though I was mad for awhile about being put in the back corner, it was still so fun and I sassed it up for the senior section which made it all worth it. then we had Homecoming of course....the final one!!! it was so bittersweet because I love Homecoming, even though it always is so drama filled. this year, it actually was nearly perfect though. the group of people I went with just made everything sooo much easier and we all got along so well. so we had the whole parade of course and the game and then I met up at Mary's house to take some pictures before the big pictures. and Jacob looked so cute all dressed up and I was so happy. it sounds so dumb but I was all giddy like a little girl! haha so then we took more pictures with everyone and had a fantastic dinner. and the dance was very enjoyable too! I love to dance, so I usually have fun, but this year was extra special just cause it was the last one and a lot of my friends actually went and enjoyed themselves. and Jacob tried really hard so I give him props for that!! haha so then a few of my closest friends and I had a sleepover and it just made me so happy to think about how far we have all come since our awkward freshman year....oh boy. so much has changed, not all of it for the better, but I think that the positives definitely outweight the negatives. alright so I apologize for the obvious choice of song but I had to! especially after Homecoming and everything...my girl Taylor has a new song so here it is...

Begin Again

Took a deep breath in the mirror
He didn't like it when I wore high heels
But I do
Turn the lock and put my headphones on
He always said he didn't get this song
But I do, I do

Walked in expecting you'd be late
But you got here early and you stand and wave
I walk to you
You pull my chair out and help me in
And you don't know how nice that is
But I do

And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause
He never did
I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again

You said you never met one girl who
Had as many James Taylor records as you
But I do
We tell stories and you don't know why
I'm coming off a little shy
But I do

And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause
He never did
I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again

And we walked down the block, to my car
And I almost brought him up
But you start to talk about the movies
That your family watches every single Christmas
And I want to talk about that
And for the first time
What's past is past

And you throw your head back laughing
Like a little kid
I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause
He never did
I've been spending the last 8 months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again

But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again
this song has been on repeat in my head and on my phone and computer for the past week. from the moment that I heard the first line I knew that I was gonna love this song. honestly it is just very real and relatable. not to bash poor David, but by the end of our relationship, I was feeing pretty shitty, for lack of a better word, and I was hopeless. looking back, I think about all of the things that I did that made him so mad, and I changed myself to please him. for Taylor, it was when she wore high heels. for me, it was when I chewed loud or fast, or when I spoke too loud, or sang along with a song in the car, or interrupted him, or didn't want to kiss him, or just was "so obnoxious". I don't know...just a laundry list of nit picky crap that drove him crazy. and of course I probably could make a list of things he did that annoyed me too. but hearing this song reminded me that one day I will be with someone who loves that I talk too loud and will appreciate my "obnoxiousness" as a beautiful gift. as dumb and cheesey as that sounds...it's true! Julie is someone who, as you know, gives amazing advice, but is also rarely cheesy or cliche. and even she told me that I need someone who can appreciate the fact that I might be a little bit too loud or excited about life....but who cares?! that is what makes me, ME. also I am 17 years old so I have plenty of time to fall in and out of love. I know that I talked earlier about how time is passing by so fast, but thankfully, I think that I still have so much time to fall in love and learn from relationship mistakes. because you have to date a few frogs before you find the prince (well THAT was a horrible cliche...wow that makes me want to be sick....oh well). basically...I'm not saying that Jacob is that second chance or anything because I don't think I really like him like that at the moment (I've met him twice....haha). but it was just so refreshing to spend time with someone else and not be picked on for my flaws. oh, and he opened and closed the car door for me. David never did that for me....ever. not once in 3 years! so that made me smile. but I felt stupid later cause I still should've given Jacob a kiss on the cheek or something. all he got was a crummy hug since we were in the car when we said goodbye. I'm a dummy. oh well....we will hang out again so maybe then! we will have to wait and see. but if I learned anything from this experience....it's just that sometimes you need to take chances and see what happens, and also that you should always try to embrace your flaws because somewhere there is someone who can love you FOR those flaws, not despite them. ok that's all I've got for now!

<3 <3 <3
anonymous blogger

oh and I made my profile pic a picture of Jacob and I and it currently has 40 likes...sad that I know that and actually care but it did sort of make me smile. time for a fresh start! :)