I’ve been waiting to smile

HEY WORLD!! I am officially commencing summer blogging season. I'm going to do my best to write almost every night because writing was such a big part of my summer last year, and now that I have more time, I'm so ready to bring it back. oh ya, by the way, it's SUMMER TIME!! I did it. I graduated high school....it's not like I ever thought that I wouldn't graduate, but it's still very surreal that it's all over. four years in that same building and now I'm done. the teachers now see us as "Alumni" and act like we're adults. it's weird but fun. the last few weeks were extremely nostalgic as we all looked back on our time in high school and acted as if we were dying or something. seriously though, people say goodbye to you as if you are never ever coming back. frankly, it's terrifying. it makes you feel like maybe they're right. maybe, just maybe, you won't come back. you'll get so caught up in college that you'll forget about your washed up hometown. or maybe you'll just come back "changed". everyone says that college will change you, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for that change. four years of high school changed me plenty, and I'm not ready to do that again. besides, how much "changing" is left really? are we changing for the rest of our lives? I'd say I'm fairly comfortable with who I've become, and I don't imagine myself becoming totally different. maybe I'm wrong. scratch that, I know I'm wrong because I'm going to change. but it's just weird to think about. anyways, back to graduation. so the actual night of graduation wasn't anything too special. it had to be held inside which kinda sucked because it's way better outside. regardless, it was nice and pretty surreal. I was just glad that we made it there and could celebrate being together and the crazy futures in store for everyone. but the true nostalgia was leading up to graduation. I know I've said this before, but it was really hard to start realizing that this was IT. so many lasts at school and so many awesome people that you'll likely never see again. last lunches, last classes, last awkward "good morning honey!" from Mrs. Hall, last passing period hang outs, last bells, last before school chillin, last pledge of allegiance, last hugs from friends in the halls, last waving at underclassmen, last locker stops, last tests, last homework assignments, last tardy passes, last drinking fountain fill ups, last bathroom runs....well I think you get it. anyways, every thing that I did became a "last". I couldn't help myself....I became fixated on this "end". the journey was over. again, it was as if we were dead.
thankfully, i'm alive. no worries.
and I have an entire wonderful summer to spend with these people that I am so worried about leaving behind so I am definitely going to take advantage of that. I've already made a summer bucket list of things to accomplish this summer and I've gotten to check off a few things already. so that's exciting! but honestly, as cliche as this sounds, it doesn't matter as much what I'm doing, but rather who I'm doing things with (to quote the wonderful movie Aquamarine) it sounds SO dumb. but high school was great not because of the small accomplishments, but because of the people that impacted my every day life. life would be nothing without other people. I know it seems dumb to point out because it is so obvious, but I don't think life would be worth living without other people in your life. as I've said, I'm not good alone so that probably influences me since I would never want to be by myself. but it's more than that. it's the fact that experiences are wonderful because of how people impact the situation. my favorite classes of all time are those that either had amazing people in them or had a super great teacher. I'm not trying to say that humans are the most wonderful creation ever and blah blah blah. I guess what I'm saying is that I am so thankful for the PEOPLE that have been part of my journey. the memories that I hold dear to me are the ones with those crazy, loving, joyous, beautiful people that impacted me somehow along the way. right about now, I'm on top of the world.

                                                    On Top of the World
                                                       Imagine Dragons

If you love somebody
Better tell them while they’re here ’cause
They just may run away from you

You’ll never know quite when, well
Then again it just depends on
How long of time is left for you

I’ve had the highest mountains
I’ve had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving

I take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

I’ve tried to cut these corners
Try to take the easy way out
I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something

I take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

Oooooooo... OoooAhhhhhOoooAhhhhh[2x]

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take you with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

for someone that maybe isn't quite as blissful as I am at the moment, I know that this song probably is terribly aggravating. it is overly cheerful, but that doesn't mean that I don't love it. I'd be lying if I said that this song doesn't annoy me. It definitely can get frustrating to hear someone say that they're "on top of the world" and everything is just so perfect. but you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and say it. I'm on top of the world. not because I finished high school, not because it's summer, not because I don't have to worry about stupid things, not because I'm going to college, but because I am surrounded by amazing people, and I am blessed. before I started writing this post, I finally read the messages that people wrote in my yearbook this year. I was in awe of how many people said such sweet things. and it hit me, my high school experience wasn't about the dumb club pictures or the countless hours I wasted pretending to study for something. it was about those people whose words fill the pages of my yearbook. that was the point. without my best friends to support me, I'd be nowhere. without the goons in my classes that reminded me to let loose, I would've gone crazy. without my teachers that both supported me and pissed me off like no other, I wouldn't be as intellectually curious and driven. without my parents and family who always cheered for me, I'd be a mess. without my freshmen, that looked up to me as their superhero, I'd feel like a failure. without my juniors, who gave and continue to give me so much wisdom and comfort, I'd be hurting. without those who decided to listen to me, to care about me, to tell me the truth, to trust in me, to treat me with respect, I wouldn't be myself. gosh this must be so cliche, but I can't say that I care that much. because it is all the truth. my experiences in high school have really shaped me. It was a long process. like the song says, I've been "waiting on this for awhile. paying my dues to the dirt. I've been waiting to smile". It's time to smile and smile BIG. not only did I graduate, but I collected so many people along the way. I also really like the part in this song that reminds you to tell somebody if you love them because you don't know how much time is left for you. I've tried lately to shower my friends and family with extra love. here's to you, people that have made my years so worthwhile!! the coolest thing is that even though people say high school is "over" and we feel like we're "dying", I don't think this is the case. since high school to me was all about how people in my life shaped me, I'll continue to grow since I'll have these people with me. of course I'm leaving a lot of people behind, but I'll always come home, and I'll meet more people that can shape my life. and I'm thankful for that. to finish, I'd like to recap some big changes in my life since freshman year just for funzies. here goes nothing!!

anxious, insecure, panicked freshman.....confident, (relatively) relaxed, happy graduate
thought I wanted to play soccer.......finished MVP of my track team
started with a giant group of friends and didn't have a best friend......finally can call a smaller group of girls the most amazing people that I know
had no guy friends.....finally have some guy friends and love them so much
dating David and figured no one would like me if I ever broke up with him....found a guy that cares about me and treats me better than anyone else :)
had never even heard of Tulane.......going to New Orleans in the fall to attend Tulane
grew up with my best friend living in Australia......going to college with this same girl next fall
had no idea who God was or what Jesus went through.....follower of Christ and YL leader
judged so many people........now accepting of way more people
harsh critic of my body and my image......mostly loving towards myself and my body
a different person in different situations..............myself in all cases
always worried about being annoying.........embracing my quirks and my "annoying" nature and I love it
saw myself as a loud mouth........being loud and proud
I remember feeling weird hugging people..........hug anyone and everyone who needs some love (in a non creepy way)
had never listened to anything but pop music.....so much more curious about music and also a christian music fan
had never touched an iphone.....addicted to my phone (bad bad bad!)
didn't know a lot of people that have now impacted my life more than I can explain
used to stalk abby as a joke.......she's one of my closest friends
thought I knew who I was and thought I was happy........boy was I wrong

I could go on and on........but I'll just end by saying that I am so lucky to have had the best four years of my life, especially this past year. but really, this post is all about the PEOPLE that made it so great. I truly am on top of the world.

<3 <3 <3 
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