we are never ever ever getting back together

hi. so today was a fairly simple day. I woke up and went for a run! yay!! Is it bad that I was actually really proud of myself? I hadn't gone for a run in over two weeks so I was super out of shape. but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I kind of like just listening to music and running because you just have a lot of time to yourself. It's just me and my thoughts.  so after my run, I cam home and crashed on my couch. then I watched a little bit of TV and then started in on the wonderful joy of college apps. hurray. so I literally sat with my computer all day and applied to college. I can't wait to go college and I'm so ridiculously excited, but the whole application thing isn't all that great. but I am done with testing so that's good atleast! no more ACT for me! once all of my apps are done I will feel so much better. but of course after awhile I got super bored because it was just draining and I wish I could just tell a school, "soooo heyyyy I promise I'm a good student and I do a lot of cool extracurriculars and have a lot to offer to let me in!!" ok cool? cool. but unfortunately that doesn't really work so well. but anyways, I was on youtube listening to some tunes and then I randomly came across the movie "Cyber Bully" with Emily Osment. the entire thing was on youtube and was free so I decided to watch it. I had seen part of it before, but never the entire thing. so I started watching it and I figured that I would just watch like 20 minutes of it, get bored, and go back to the college apps. but once I started watching it, I got hooked! it's kinda embarrassing to admit because the acting sucks. BUT the message of the movie is actually super powerful.  it's basically about a girl (Emily...Lily from Hannah Montana) who gets bullied online and people make up a lot of nasty rumors about her and then people start ignoring her. and her friends start to be ashamed to be around her. and then some guy starts talking and flirting with her online but it turns out that he isn't real and it actually was just her best friend who made up the guy to mess with her cause she was jealous. and then Emily loses all of her friends and everyone keeps harrassing her and it is just horrible. and then Emily freaks out and has a meltdown and she shuts down and tries to commit suicide. it's just so so so sad because she just keeps screaming, "I want to die! I want to die!" and wathcing that, I just broke down and stared sobbing. I hate to admit that because the acting wasn't great, but seeing her so broken killed me. I know I've talked about this before, but it again reminded me of how easily someone's life can be cut short. and I thought about if this was one of my friends....and how I would never forgive myself if something happened to one of them and I didn't stop it. ugh I couldn't imagine experiencing so much pain. NO ONE just ever have to go through that. ever. I don't care if someone actually is a slut or is a bitch or is just super weird or whatever. they should never feel so awful about themselves that they want to end their own life. ok I won't go on and on about this again since I blogged about this before in "how to save a life". but basically the movie made me cry several times and I just wanted to go hug my friends and never let go of them because I wanna protect them from evil people and from pain. that sounds really stupid but that's just what I was feelin. ok so anyways....then I went to my first poms practice, and that was nice. but afterwards I went to David's house to hand with him for like an hour cause he's been bugging me to hang with him and talk to him for a long time. so I went and he was fine. he was niceish and it wasn't awkward or anything, but most of the time he just texted the girl he currently likes (who happens to be one of my good friends which is kinda weird) and other people and wouldn't tell me what they were talking about. so it was odd cause he kept saying before how he missed me and wanted to hear all about my trips etc etc etc but clearly he wasn't as interested as he had let on. so I was disappointed. but at the same time, I was strangely relieved because I'm glad that all of my feelings for him really are gone.  I still think he's stuck in the past and he doesn't really know what he wants. he misses me, yet he doesn't at the same time. when I talk to him, I just get more confused, but when I was with him tonight, I just didn't feel anything. I just felt like we were friends, and I kinda pitied him almost just because I could tell that he was just lost and probably hurting. so I am just gonna stick by him as a friend and help him as much as I can, but there is one thing that I now know for sure. (sorry if you saw this one coming...) but we are never ever ever getting back together. shoutout to my girl tay tay!!!

"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

I remember when we broke up the first time
Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like
We hadn't seen each other in a month
When you said you needed space. What?
Then you come around again and say
"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change
Trust me, remember how that lasted for a day"
I say, "I hate you, we break up," you call me, "I love you"

Oooh we called it off again last night
But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you
We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Like ever...

I'm really gonna miss you picking fights
And me, falling for it screaming that I'm right
And you, would hide away and find your piece of mind
With some indie record that's much cooler than mine

Oooh, you called me up again tonight
But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together
I used to think that we were forever ever ever
And I used to say never say never
Huh, so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you"
And I'm like, "I just, I mean this is exhausting, you know
We are never getting back together, like ever"

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

We are not getting back together,
We oh, not getting back together

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

so mainly I chose this song because Taylor just released it and I am kinda obsessed with it and her. I've been playing it on repeat all day long. but also because it kinda relates to me. I just realized that David just flip flops his feelings so much and he tells me that he loves and misses me and I'm just like, "this is exhausting!!" so then I just think, we are never ever getting back together. he is a great guy and all, but I just can't handle the drama anymore. who needs that?! moral of the blog is simply that 1) your friends and life are precious so don't let them slip away and 2) boys can be so dramatic and draining so don't be afriad to admit that you don't want to be with someone, even if it is hard to let go. thanks T Swifty for always knowing what to say! LOVE HER!

oh and before I finish, I also wanted to say how amazing the people that I went on the camp courageous trip with are. I forgot to explain how much close I got with them by the end of the week. but at the end, we wrote each other letters, and even though it took hours, it was so so so worth it because I got such nice notes from people. but I was sorta mad at myself because there were people there that I had never really gotten to know or given a chance that really were awesome. so now I only have a year to spend with them because I wasted three of them being stupid and ignoring them. I also really liked getting to know Brian better because we spent the whole week together and it was awesome to see how he connected with our campers. he's just a really sweet guy so I hope we can be friends! but ya needless to say, the car ride home was much more lively than the one there. we were all belting out songs and singing enrique music and just loving life. alrighty well I'm done! :)

<3 <3 <3

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