be still and know I am

hola! so I'm not sure how long this post is gonna be becuase it is super late and I am sick and I am also tired, but I wanted to blog because I don't really get the chance to so I'm gonna do my best to stick it out! ok so today I woke up and I went to my cousin's house to watch the babies. they make me smile....a lot. and they were wearing matching outfits (which they rarely do) and we just frolicked at the park and played trains and it felt like a magical fall day. as much as I love summer, and as much as I am obsessed with spring, fall is just as wonderful. I can't get enough of the scents of fall and the smooth breeze and I love when the leaves turn different colors (actually the pigments are always there but they are just able to see it better when it's fall....#shitIlearninAPBio) hurray! but anyways....the weather was just great so when I got home, I did some homework and then I took a nap outside in the sunshine and it felt so so so nice. and I can literally never nap so the weather really must have been miraculous/I also am feeling sick. stupid cough. it's the worst but oh well! as long as I am better by homecoming so I can party it up woooo! ahhh that is scary! HC is coming really soon and I have zero plans. but I do have a gorgeous dress! so I need a dateeee for that.....? ;) ya I am still working on it. but then I went to babysit again because literally that is what I do best with my life. but that's okay because I acutally really enjoy babysitting. I know I've blogged about this before, but really, the innocence of kids just makes me incredibly happy and selfishly, I love that they think I am super cool and I am not super cool. or cool in anyway. but they think I am. and that's good enough for me! I swear my mom is right when she says I'm gonna end up with 10 kids! well not 10...but probably 4 or so. I just love kids, and I know that they do grow up and turn into, gasp, teenagers like myself, but I like to think that I'm not that bad and that I could put up with myself! wow that makes no sense but it does in my mind! ok so tonight when I babysat, we played hide and seek (a personal fav of mine, except for when I can't find the girl that I like to call monkey child because she climbs on top of everything and tonight I found her on the refridgerator)...but then we played some board games and we played this one where you look for certain pictures on this crowded board, sorta like Where's Waldo? but way harder. randomly I sucked at it and it hurt my head to try to find all of the pictures. so I lost. which was refreshing cause usually I beat the 7 year olds at the games. ya I know...I'm cool. and then we jumped into a lovely game of "Life". so I've played Life before, and I liked it when I was little. I mean who doesn't enjoy getting colorful money and taking the little tiny people and driving them around the bright colored board in the teeny cars.  oh and spinning the fun colored spinner of course!!! :) but then today, I actually realized the real rules and objectives of the game. I felt sick to my stomach as the 6 year old announced that he wanted the job that paid the most because to win the game, you have to get the most money! he said it so matter-of-factly....like it was so obvious. and these kids are wonderful kids with amazing morals and I am sure their parents didn't teach them that money could bring you happiness. yet they still were obsessed with passing the "pay day" spaces and collecting all of that stupid colorful money. it made me so sad. but then it got better because before the boys went to bed, Jack read me a story. I didn't even know he could read! but he can, and he was really good! he read my "I Can Read With My Eye's Shut" by the infamous Dr. Seuss. my first book was green eggs and ham so I have a personal attachment to seuss...as most people probably do. but anyways...in the story, seuss urges us to always have our eyes open because if we don't, then we will miss out on so many opportunities of life. I really loved that moral, and hearing it out of the boy's mouth made me smile. I felt like him reading that book made up for him playing that stupid game of Life. ok so tonight's song is one that I have been meaning to use for awhile just because I love it. it was a tough choice because I had another possible song but I just see this one as more fitting. it is "Be Still" by the Fray...who I saw last weekend and who I LOVE...here it is....

"Be Still"

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am

so this song is incredibly simple, yet it is always running through my head and it has a great message. I just love how it tells you to slow down, be still, and just know that someone is always there for you. I just picture someone lonely being cradled by an incredible friend and just being comforted. the melody of this song is hauntingly beautiful too because it is simple, yet honest. like the song says, "If you forget the way to go, and lose where you came from, if no one is standing beside you, be still and know I am". just reading those words makes me feel so fulfilled. when I hear this song, I almost always think about Jesus standing beside me because when I am my lowest point and I'm just a mess, I remember to be still and know He's with me. and like the song says, He knows us all by name. but even for people who aren't religious, I like to think that everyone has that one person that can be their "go to guy/girl". someone that they can think of when they are at their wit's end. I don't think I am this person for anyone now, but I like to believe that one day I can be. whether it's my husband or my children or my best friend; I just want to be someone's rock. how amazing would it be to know that someone who was falling apart just calmed down, was still, and thought of you to fix themself? maybe that's selfish, heck it definitely is, but I'm just being honest. well I am so so so tired and I'm not quite sure what to say anymore, but I just want to say that you should live to be someone else's rock and that you should always remember that there is someone there to support you. and I will always be there for any of you too! be still, and know that I'm with you. that lyric just gives me chills. ok goodnight!!!!

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