I had the best day with you today

HI TEAM! what is up my brothers and sisters?! (I have a teacher that says that all the time and it cracks me up...he's hilarious. the joke probs isn't as effective when I say it but it's all good) anyways...I hope everybody had an awesome week! HAPPY FRIDAY! even though we didn't have school on Monday, I feel like the week lasted so much longer randomly which was kind of annoying. plus I got sick...sore throats and runny noses for the win! woo! nah but it wasn't all that bad. I did decently well on the few tests and quizzes I had and I was satisfied with that, and I actually made some progress in my friendship with this boy in my psych class that I'm crushin on! I am a ho basically because I am currently working four angles for possible Homecoming dates. yep...FOUR! who am I?! I guess I would just like to be asked because it would make me feel special and I know that sounds annoying because I've been asked every other year. but in my defense, it wasn't as special because I knew it was coming and it was by the same guy who I was dating. I mean don't get me wrong, I loved going to HC with David (except Sophomore year...that was bad) but I just think it would make me feel so confident to have a date this year. and I have my sassy long dress to rock! I can't let that go to waste!!! even if I just went with someone as a friend! basically the "angles" that I'm working (aka boys I'm creeping on...) are all becoming my friends so that makes me happy. wow I sound like a loser with no friends. cool. but no I do have friends! (are people without friends usually the ones claiming they do have friends...?) regardless...I haven't really gone out of my way in the past to make guy friends but this year I've been trying and succeeding I believe! plus it keeps me busy and distracted to pretend to have little crushes. no but I smoothly gave the tall, blonde boy in psych my number (via facebook chat of course), but I still felt very happy with myself. ya I'm cool, I'm aware. describing this all sounds so stupid and I am very embarrassed for myself. but like I said, it is a nice distraction, and I like to pretend that I have all of these crazy love triangles (or would it be a square...?) to deal with even though in reality, it is just me creeping on oblivious people. they probably don't even see it coming. but you know what, I am satisfied and happy so that's all that matters. ok so this week was fairly uneventful except for one incident with D man...meaning David for those of you who didn't catch that...so after the Toby Keith concert last Sunday, D man texted me and was like, "DUDEEEE MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" and so I'm all, "dudeee....what?" so he goes, "I hooked up with that girl from DGN that I like" (who he happened to have met at another country concert....and who I fb stalked because I am a weirdo and ya I won't say anything else but anyways....) I responded and was just like, "oh wow...cool" and he kept raving about how it was the best night EVER and how he randomly now has all of this newly found confidence and blahblahblahblahblah oh my gosh it just went on and on and on and I was just sitting there feeling like shit. why did he have to tell me, his ex gf, about his hookup? it made me so sad, and I don't know why. I mean it's been FIVE MONTHS so both of us should just do what we want and move on with life...but it still made me mad. especially because he was so immature about it all. to make matters even worse, he was tweeting about it too. #soballzyDave #cool! so basically I just was incredibly fed up with him and was all GIRL POWER! BOYS ARE STUPIDDD WOO! and I probably was a large baby about the whole thing but I didn't even care. I even looked to my brother, who is in Italy studying abroad, for wisdom and advice because I missed him a lot and needed to hear him say I was right. hahaha I have problems. but anyways, the story gets better because a day later, he texts me and says, "soooo she rejected me hard so that should make you feel better..." and then I was like, "oh bummer! I'm sorry!" and then he looked to me for sympathy and I basically turned him down. I mean not really because I don't have the heart to do that. but I was not very warm and friendly. but I felt evil because I was secretly glad that it didn't work out for him. I am even embarrassed just writing this now because that is so so so mean of me but I can't help it! I know that I wouldn't want him to be mad at me for being with a guy, but it's somehow just different for him. I don't know. I wanna see what would happen if someone else asked me to HC....I wonder if he would be upset. he probs would act all annoying and immature about it. ok well this blog is not about him because I talk about him too much! sorry about that....so this week I showed my blog to another one of my good friends. we've become really close over the past year, and especially the past few months, and I know that I can trust her. it's funny because it took me a long time to figure out if she actually liked me or if she thought I was kinda crazy and annoying. but guess what?! she thinks I'm crazy but loves me for it. which clearly means she is best friend material! <3 so she started reading the blog and telling me how much she liked it. which meant a lot to me because I loved hearing how it inspired her. I try to say stuff that is meaningful on here but I usually feel like it comes out like blehhhhh. but I started to reread some of my old blogs and was happy to see how carefree I was during the summer. and I think I really could take some of my own advice! so she just made me so happy, and she finished reading ALL of the blogs in only 3 days!!! isn't that crazy?! haha but I am very happy to welcome her to the blog reading family! woo! :) so I have another small dilemma. Julie mentioned to me that for the advocate, they are doing an article about blogging and she wanted to know if she could interview me about why my blog is anonymous. I don't even know if she still needs me or not, but if I decided to do it, then I would have to tell my mom about my blog. I'm not really sure why I don't want my mom to know I blog, but I just have this feeling that she might want to read it or question it or my intentions. and I wouldn't feel comfortable with her reading all of this craziness. and I love to blog so I don't think it would be worth it. I tell my mom a lot of stuff, but at the same time, I feel like I hide so much from her too and I wish I didn't. I have such a hard time talking about serious things with her. like when she tried to give me "the talk" (well both talks...about my monthly gift and...gulp, S E X) I just covered my ears and said lalalalalalalala at the top of my lungs because I didn't want to listen. haha how sad is that?! I mean she literally tried to have the s e x talk with me like two months ago and I couuld hardly stand it. that's super embarrasing. I am almost 18 years old and I can't even talk to her about that stuff?! it's not even like she would be horrible about it all and be weird, but I just don't know why I can't do it. I refuse to tell her about boys or how I am feeling usually. sometimes I do when she asks but otherwise I just lie and say it's all fine. It took me forever to admit to her that David and I weren't doing so well as "friends" over the summer. just cause I was afraid of her questioning. and it really does make me mad because I know she wants to know and she would always be there to help me and I am so so so lucky to have a mom like her. and when I have a daughter (yes, I said when because I want a boy and a girl), I want her to be able to trust me too. and sure, it's good to keep some stuff to myself, but I am so jealous of those people who are literally besties with their moms. its sorta weird sometimes but I think that would be kind of cool. maybe when I get older I will be better about it. and not to be all dramatic, but next year I will leave for college and I want to be close with her this year before I go. I know she will miss me; she has to: I'm her baby girl! haha! ok this is such a weird rant. but it was just on my mind and I don't know if I had talked about mommas that much. but on the topic of mama bears....I chose the song "Best Day" by tay tay....here it is.....

The Best Day

I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
For staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say
That I had the best day with you today

alright so I probably say this about every t swift song that I use for blogs, but if I was being totally honest, this is my favorite song. I just love how it is not about boys and it's about her mom. I think that is so precious. almost every time that I hear this song, it makes me tear up and I think about my own mom. even though she can be so crazy and freak out or embarrass me or be totally unreasonable, she has always been there for me, and I love her so much for that. she would instantly take my side and always puts me first. whereas my dad taught me to give to others and be caring, my mom taught me to be strong, stick up for myself, and love myself first. when I was younger, I didn't like this mentality. I wanted to make sure everyone else was okay along with me and I wanted to please people. and ya, I still do this a lot and try to make sure no one is upset with me, and I am happy with that! but I've learned that you can't love anyone else unless you love yourself. and when you get older, you have to stick up for yourself because there are people who will take advantage of you if you show your weakness. that's why I really like the saying, "chin up kid; they'd kill to see you fail". I guess to me it just means that you have to act confident, even if you aren't. because I think that by even pretending like you have confidence, you show others that you care about yourself and are suseptible to negavity from any haters. (haha I just said haters....) but to get back to mothers....today I would just like to emphasize the importance of loving your mama! I know that I am lucky to be close to my mom and to have a mom who is very reasonable and amazing. but even if your mother happens to be crazy and not show you as much love as she should, she still did carry you around for 9 months and she has a special connection to you. it sounds dumb, but I really do think that moms have a special connection with their kids because they were once so connected. like it says in the song "never grow up", you have to remember that "she's getting older too", and that she probably wants to know about you just as much as you want to connect with her. it sounds dumb, but don't forget to tell you moms (and dads!! and sibs too!) how much you love them. because you don't know how much time you have with them, and we get so caught up in ourselves and our stupid lives that we forget to do something as simple as say I love you! and I don't mean the monotonous, "goodnight, love you mom...." cause that doesn't count. actually tell your mom what she means to you, or if you can't do that, then write her a sweet note. and if you aren't on the best terms with your mom at the moment, that doesn't mean that you can't be! don't let that relationship slip away! tell her how you feel and work on bettering the relationship together. even though she is older, she is not perfect either. and as you get older, it's easier to see her flaws. but at the same time, you can understand her more too! this reminds me of the show Awkward. its such an amazing show! in the episode I was watching today, Jenna, the main character, had her mom break down in front of her and apologize for not being there for her. the thing that impacted me the most was when her mom said, "Jenna, I will always love you no matter what. but you do not have to love me back". that just seemed so awful to me. but Jenna decided to be there for her momma and take care of her. she crawled into her mom's bed and cuddled with her as her mom silently cried. for a sarcastic, awkward (no pun intended....) show, it was a deep moment. so it made me thankful for the momma I have! so the moral of this blog is....1) love your momma and love yourself! she made you and she does love you...even if she seems insane and 2) don't forget that even as you age, that doesn't mean that you can't be mommy's little girl anymore. I am sure it breaks her heart to see you get older too so don't shut her out!!! I love you mimi! (my nickname for mama) ok well love you all! <3 oh and sorry if you are a guy reading this....but you should be a mama's boy!!

<3 <3 <3
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