so I just let go of what I know I don't know

HELLO MY LOVES! wowowowow I am actually so excited to finally be blogging again! seriously the past week hadbeen INSANE and all I wanted to do was sit down and write and let it all out. but I haven't had any time at all and I was lazy and tired and sad. but now I am overly joyed to be able to write all about what I have been up to and fill you all in on my craziness. I guess we can rewind to last weekend, specifically last saturday. I went to the jason mraz and christina perri concert. SO FLIPPIN FANTASTIC! christina is so beautiful and her voice is powerful and real. she was so good! listening her to belt jar of hearts just made me feel like she was singing directly to me and we all were singing along with her even though we clearly were awful. but it was just a lovely evening because then JASON CAME OUT! honestly he probably was the best musician that I have ever seen perform live. his spirit just filled up the concert hall and he was so funny and just a goof ball. yet his songs are amazing, and we all just jammed and sang (of course) and pretended to be super good. I am so lucky....first kelly and the fray, NOW christina and jason?! wow. also then they both came out and performed their new song called distance (if you haven't heard it yet...GO NOW ITS WONDERFUL!) but last saturday was also the night that I realized that I totally creeped out my guy friend. I had been texting him a lot and I was kinda hoping he would ask me to homecoming. it was just hard because David could just ask someone and then there was me, not having any power and ending up single. I promised myself (and my mom) that I would work on "flaunting it" and being more open minded to guys this year, and even though I worked like 5 "angles" as I like to call them (aka creeped on about 5 different guys), I ended up single and still hoping to mingle. and te I just felt bad cause I didn't mean to creep out my friend cause I don't like him like that at all. but I just really wanted a date for some reason, like it was a bad competition between david and I. so I just apologized to him and he tried to convince me that I didn't scare him and that it is totally fine. but I know that I have a tendency to get over excited (I like to call if excitment about life....pretty much it is creepy eagerness) and I am working on it, I really am. so this week I just left the poor child alone. so that was sorta a shitty start to the week, but then my friend felt bad and asked me if I would be interested in going to Homecoming with her cousin. at first I wasn't really sure, just because I have never even met him before, and I was kinda scared; like what if he was totally awkward or we just didn't hit it off or something?! I didn't wanna be stuck with the kid all night for my Senior Homecoming....I couldn't just be like, uhhh okay peace! so she agreed that I could meet him this weekend (tomorrow!!!) and then hopefully it will be less awkward. I still wasn't totally convinced, but then I found out that he is 6'3" and he is very cute. so that made it slightly less difficult to decide to go with him! so I am meeting my HC date for the first time tomorrow...hahaha! BUT I did text him every day this week and he is so nice via text. he even sends smileys! :) and I love smileys! so either he is gay or he's just very nice! :) let's hope its the second option. and he said he likes to dance....as long as he doesn't have to use poms! SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN! so now I am kinda nervous just because I hope I like him. that would suck if I didn't!! my friend promised me that he is really great. we will seeeee! ;) but basically I just decided to go for it because WHY NOT?! wooo! oh and I think it was mid week last week that I had a huge meltdown. I guess I just realized that David and I were growing apart, but at the same time I am not totally over him. I hadn't been able to admit that, and I was just upset because I realized I wouldn't have a date (even though I randomly do now?) and I felt like poop and I lost all of my confidence. but in times like those, all one needs is a quick phone call from Julie and then one feels SO MUCH BETTER! so ya that was lovely. she is a miracle workers. but then this week it was just hectic because of tests and quizzes and what not and David's behavior has been annoying the crap out of me, but I'm trying to ignore it. BUT I MADE IT! I MADE IT, I MADE IT! and now I get to blog!!! I think I learned some very valuable lessons this week too. but I can't share those quite yet....because I have more to write about! well one highlight of my week was going to Young Life club and bringing some new friends. I brought two girls that go to my other youth group. to be honest, these girls were so nervous and they didn't think that they would fit in. but after going and seeing how everyone is trying to be accepting and make fools of themselves, THEY LOVED IT! ahhhh it just made me so freaking happy. YL honestly just warms my heart and I loved letting others experience that joy and see that the stereotypical views of the group aren't neccessarily true. I really hope that the girls decide to come back and that more people come too! because you just never know what it really is like until you go. it's the same for anything in life. you can easily hear about something being beautiful or tasting delicious and feeling amazing; but you cannot truly appreciate it unless you experience it yourself. and sometimes that just requires a little help. I had to give the girls a little push, but I am so glad that I did. also what made this week crazyyyy was all of the poms practices that I had!!! pep rally is coming up in exactly a week (OMG THAT IS INSANE) and so we had to finish learning it and everything this week. even though I love how sassy it is, I am in the back corner of the dance and it makes me so sad. I hate that even though I am a senior, I am stuck in the back with the younger people. I'm not the best technical dancer of the team, but I work so hard and wish that I could be seen!!! the only time that I am not hidden is during the senior section, so I AM GOING OUL ON THAT PART! seniors! seniors!!!! and I know that sounds so selfish and bratty and stupid but I am just being honest I guess.  I am somewhat over it now, but still. I am hoping I can be seen more during bball season. OH AND THIS WEEK WE VOTED FOR HC COURT! gosh so much went down this week it is very crazy! the voting was easy for about the first 8 or so and the last few people were harder. but I am very satisfied with my list and I acn't wait to see who made it! I am not expecting to get it at all, but if I did, that would be amazing! but I won't; and I'd rather see my super deserving friends on there than myself. if julie doen't make it I WILL protest. flip some serious shitttt. I guess we will just have to wait and seeeee! hopefully ince there is something to look forward to next week (pep rally and HOMECOMING!!), the week will actually be fun (even though we have such rando dress days....) ok so then I had 3 tests yesterday that went pretty well, and today I just kinda had a chill day in school. but later I got to celebrate my wonderful bestie Abby's birthday!! we surprised her and it was so adorable! then we went to the football game and BEAT LT! HECK YA! our student section was awesome because when we scored, we threw baby powder into the air. it was gross kinda, but it was very effective! (thanks glenbard! we stole it from you!) and then I almost forgot! earlier in the week I made a truce with a guy from YL that I had also creeped on and we decided to start over as best friends and I love him and I am very happy with that! ok so then tonight I also got to se Rob!!!! wooo! I hadn't seen him since july. that's too long without him! haha he just makes me smile. nothing tops getting a hug from Rob! and then my friend and I went to DiNicos to catch up and THAT WAS YUM! oh and I got to talk to my friend that I thought that I scared away, and he seemed totally normal at the game. and I found out that the reason he didn't ask me was because he really wanted to ask my good friend (and he did ask her!) :) and I also probably do scare him...I still am not totally convinced that I don't freak him out. but I am glad that I got to talk to him, regardless since we didn't text at all and I barely see him in school. and he is just great. ok well even though there were some sucky parts of the week, something that I learned was that we really should just "Live in the Moment"....atleast that might be what Jason would do.....

Living In the Moment

If this life is one act
Why do we lay all these traps
We put them right in our path
When we just wanna be free

I will not waste my days
Making up all kinds of ways
To worry about all the things
That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know
And I know I only do this by
Living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind

I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment

I'm letting myself off the hook for things I've done
I let my past go past
And now I'm having more fun
I'm letting go of the thoughts
That do not make me strong
And I believe this way can be the same for everyone
And if I fall asleep
I know you'll be the one who'll always remind me

To live in the moment
To keep living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I can't walk through life facing backwards
I have tried
I tried more than once to just make sure
And I was denied the future I'd been searching for
I spun around and hurt no more

By living in the moment
Living my life
Easy and breezy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
Got peace in my soul
Wherever I'm going, I'm already home

I'm living in the moment
I'm living my lifeJust taking it easy
With peace in my mind
I got peace in my heart
I got peace in my soul
Oh, wherever I'm going, I'm already home
I'm living in the moment


okay so I learned this week especially that even though life throws some crazy shit our way, we have to take it in stride. why in the world should I waste my time worrying about things that might not even effect me? my amazing friend told me last week that we all spend too much time burning bridges that were never even meant to be crossed. to me, this just means that sometimes we waste our time either fixing or breaking connections with people or obsessing over pointless things, even though we probably could've lived without bothering to mess with it. why do we always feel a need to meddle or to fix things or to restore a "normal" order? sometimes it is helpful to just find a simple peace and live in the moment. when my friend asked me if I wanted to go with her cousin to HC, I started to instantly worry all about what everyone else would be saying about me, and then I stopped myself. if I am happy and I feel good about myself, then I shouldn't need the approval of everyone else. sure, it is great to think about others and make sure they are satisfied by your actions, but we can't always spend our days living to please every person. that isn't possible. sometimes, you have to "trust your gut" and go for it! maybe it will come back to bite me and my date will end up being a crazyyyy but I've set my standards low so that he will have to surpass them! I am sure he is great though. but anyways....I have the power to control my actions and who I interact with. I don't have to live for anyone but myself. if people are hating on me because I am doing what I love, then screw them! even though school and other crap causes so much uneccessary stress, please don't forget to just set asie some time to think about YOURSELF and your place of peace. it is so easy to get caught up in the past, and it definitely won't disappear, but we all have to move on! just remember to live in the moment and try to let go of those thoughts that are holding you back! YOU CAN DO IT! remember: you are beautiful, you are perfect just the way that you were created, and you have the power to control everything that you do and believe. YOU CHOOSE! :)

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