hi hi hi!!! first, I am SO happy that I finally can blog again! wow...I have been quite busy over the past few weeks. and I know that really isn't an excuse because if anything, that should make me want to blog even more because I know that I have plenty to say. but it's alright because now I can tell you even more about everything that I've been up to. basically my pace of life has changed dramatically since school has started. I mean I was obviously expecting it...but damn it picked up FAST! like really fast!! the first day of school was nice...I got there late and got to see everyone's smiling faces again. and it was just fun to see who was in my classes and meet the teachers and all of that fun. but of course, I got a lot of homework. and it was only the first day!! but it was cool to be a senior and to just feel like a top dog. but to be honest, it still hasn't really set in. and it was bittersweet because even though I see some people a lot, I don't see other people at all. and I mean AT ALL. that makes me really sad because I just miss those faces. and it's crazy that we wouldn't even cross paths. and since it's not summer anymore, we can only really see people on Friday and Saturday nights, which really limits our time. plus I have stupid college apps and a lot of homework and a lot of awesome people to see! however, this blog isn't about complaining and sulking about all of the work that I have to do and yadda yadda yadda. in fact, I'd rather focus on the opposite. because while a lot of my friends have recently been claiming the matra, "IHE!" (I hate everything), I am choosing to focus on the positives. because of course things are stressful and I am not a fan of being incredibly busy, but I have found that for me, it is a lot easier to acknowledge how I am being blessed rather than freak out about other things. then again, don't think that I am locking away all of my stress cause I am not. I just can't do that and I don't recommend it. but anyways...let's rewind to August 22, 2012. also known as, the first day of my senior year! so I was fairly satisfied with the people in my classes. a lot of people I expected and a few fresh faces too. but the funniest part was when I made my way from 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and kept seeing the same guy. by 10th I just looked at him and cracked up when we found out we were sitting by eachother. I HAVE 5 CLASSES WITH HIM! yes, five! that is a TON OF CLASSES but....I am totally okay with that because not only is he so nice and really smart, but he is also so so so cute! and I went to pre school with him! and I probably haven't even seen him since then....till now. hahaha! so I actually have been doing what my momma suggested and have been "flauting" it. I mean not really flaunting "it" but just kind of doing my thing and being nice and actually making an effort to talk to him. and I've even texted him a few times! :) so that's good. I don't really expect anything to happen, but it is nice to see him all day everyday. and then I also noticed this really cute, tall blonde boy in my psych class. and I'd never seen him before in the past three years....I don't know how I had missed him but I did. it was just weird how I could have just simply not seen him. but its all good cause we walked from class together and I now trying to see if I can be his friend! ;) and if it doesn't work out then oh well! I am kind of embarrassed with myself because I don't like that I craving all of this pointless attention, yet I still want it. I don't really know what I want. I don't know if I want a homecoming date, or a boyfriend, or just a friend, or someone else to talk to, or if I wanna make david jealous. I really don't know, but for now...I am just going for it. cause I probably have been way to sheltered. so I guess it'll just play out however it plays out. but anyways....so we had toga day the first Friday of school. it was a bit of a struggle trying to figure out how the heck to wear the toga, but once I got it, I was satisfied with how it looked. so then we all came to school in our togas and were all sassy and seniorish and it was enjoyable. and then we had out first poms game! and this year, the varsity poms got new uniforms....dresses. eek. I know it sounds horrible but it wasn't AS bad as I expected. so we performed and that went really well and it was honestly so amazing to see my classmates all dressed up showing their pride. except it was sad when the whole crowd disappeared after 3rd quarter...haha but atleast we won AND most people saw the pommerzzz perform. that's all that really counts right? no jk. well sorta. so then I don't really remember what I did that weekend (no, not because I was hammered) but I know that it was fun. and then the last week has felt like a lifetime. honestly I can't believe I've only been through one week of school...how is that possible?! but it was a good week. I had a lot of poms practice and a bunch of homework and craziness but that's what I kinda like about the school year. even though the summer is amazing and calm and just carefree, the school year gives me a sense of purpose. I can actually take pride in my school work and have a real schedule and do so many things in one day and talk to so many people. and I know it's weird, but I kind of enjoy being a nerd. I don't exactly find my identity in it, and I hope people can see me as more than just some girl who tries way too hard in school, but I mean it's not bad to be able to do well. I have no idea if it'll mean anything in a few years that I pulled off that A in precalc, but oh well. it brings me temporary joy. and as long as it doesn't make me crazy and I'm not stressed, then I am satisfied. I know it's only been a week and a half, but so far I haven't really had any freakouts (knock on wood). but freakouts were a very regular and very real thing for me a few years ago, so I really am proud of myself for being able to control myself. I joke about it now, but it actually makes me so happy when I can just get my work done efficiently without going crazy and stressing. but anyways...I think it's time for a topic change. so on Friday, seniors dressed in red white and blue for 'murica pride day! GO MURICA! so I thought that people would go oull (hahaha remember oul? all out mannnn!) so I dressed in the most random shit I could find and looked so ridiculous! but it is all good because when else can you do stuff like that?! never. and I don't really know if people were joking when they said "looking good....", I don't really care because I had pride and it was fun. so then me and a few friends went to 6 flags with my awesome cousin Anne. she's a sophomore and she lives about a half hour away. and we are really close. so it was just an awesome time. the park was closed except for people with these special tickets so we got to run around like idiots and go on a billion rides and of course, we ate funnel cake. #fatgirlprobz....SO WORTH IT!! so then the weekend got even better when I got to go to see the fray and kelly clarkson last night! HOLY CRAP IT WAS AMAZING! I am obsessed with kelly. I saw kelly in 7th grade, and she was fantastic, but to see her again was just lovely. she is just as good live as she is on her record. so we just jammed on the lawn to kelly and thankfully it didn't rain even though it was incredibly muddy. so after you thought it couldn't get any better, the fray came out. and I LOVE the fray. so they sang a bunch of their classics and also a few random ones too. but then of course they played how to save a life and I was so happy because I love that song. I just closed my eyes and listened and lived and breathed it. and the same for "be still" because that song is so reassuring. it was awesome. the only bad part was that I got grounded when I got home because I got home at like 2:30am since my friend's sister wanted to go out afterwards and get drunk and then my friend had to drive us home. and I forgot to text my parents since my phone died. so that wasn't great....but the concert was so amazing so it's fine. wow. so I have been typing for what feels like forever so I'm going to break this up by putting in a song. I had to go wth my girl kelly of course and I decided to go old school with this one. so I chose "breakaway". I love it. here it is....
Breakaway
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes ‘til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging 'round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway
so this song has always been one of my favorites. when I took voice lessons back in the day (yes, I took voice lessons) my teacher thought I had a very mature voice and let me sing this song when I was like 11. of course I didn't totally understand the lyrics at the time, but I remember walking around and always singing this. the hardest part was memorizing the order of the "take a risk, take a chance, make a change" part. I don't think I say it right to this day. but the point is that this song has a special place in my heart. and I guess I just find it very fitting to my life. kelly is telling us all to embrace our failures, forget about our past, and just break away from all of the monotony of life. it is so easy to get sucked into the suckiness of it all, especially during the school year, and lose yourself in the schedules and stress. but kelly reminds us with this song to take that chance, make a change and do something spontaneous. don't be afraid to get away every once in awhile and do you thanggg! she wants us to get out of our comfort zones and push ourselves. it can be terrifying to just let go and live, but the song is saying that you have to do that if you ever want to be happy. in our town, everything seems so boring and expected. people live in webs of lies and we get stuck in a whirlpool of fake relationships and fake personalities and fake everything. people can just be so fake. so a lot of times, I can understand what kelly feels when she looks out her window and prays that she can break away. I know I've said this before, but I am excited to get away from all of this. I know that I am so lucky to live where I do and to have such loving, caring parents. and I know that it sounds horrible to say "oooo look at me I am a perfectly satisfied teenage girl living in the suburbs and I want to break away blah blah blah" BUT I will anyways. because as long as I have the opportunity to get away, then I am going to try to. so being the foolish teenage girl that I am, I am just going to urge you to explore, lighten up, feel free, and break away in every sense of the word. do as kelly does and this year, try to forget about what your society tells you to do and get OUT of that stupid whirlpool. cause I am seriously sick of going around in those circles of fakeness and it is time to get out. I don't know how I am going to do it quite yet, but I'll be sure to keep ya'll updated if I have any success! :)
<3 <3 <3
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