you raise me up, to be more than I can be

what do gay horses eat?

HAYYYYYYY!

LOL that was funny. I hope you enjoyed that. alright so I bet that you missed me since I didn't blog last night!!! you were like, "ahhh I can't live without the blog!" #shitnoonesaidever. ok well it's fine because I am BACK ya'll and boy do I have a LOT to say. you may be thinking, how is it possible for you to say more than you already say? but ya it's possible so prepare yourself.....so this will be a two part blog because I have to fill you in on yesterday first and then today. so let's rewind a bit and go back to Saturday evening. sooooo......

SATURDAY:
alrighty so basically nothing special happened during the day because I just sat around waiting for when I could start getting ready for the wedding. (incase you haven't been keeping track....David's older sister got married last night!!!) alright so the ceremony started at 5pm and it was in the city. so around 2pm I started getting ready. ya know....doing the hair and makeup, etc. etc. etc. and then finally I got to put on my dress!!! it is gorgeous and floor length and sparkly and floral and strapless and beautiful. I am in love with it. it has one strap across the chest and I felt so special wearing it. like a princess!! and my momma said that if we bought it, I had to wear it for homecoming too. so I will! and ya I may be the only weirdo wearing a floor length dress to homecoming but I don't even care because I feel awesome. you know when you can just put on a certain outfit and feel kinda empowered or confident or idk? I usually act confident and stuff, but I am sometimes insecure about my appearance. but I just felt special in that dress! ok so that was like the 50th time that I said that but its cool. ok so enough about the pretty dress. alright so then once I was ready I took some selfies which was great fun. I don't do that often but again the dress just brought it upon me. so I decided that once I put on that dress, I would just try to flaunt it as my mother so kindly puts it....and that is exactly what I did. (I'll get there in a bit) OK so. my mom and I went to the church and when we got there, we were given these gorgeous fans that were for guests to use since there wasn't air conditioning. they were so pretty and had these intricate designs and ya it was awesome. so the bride's husband is from puerto rico so his family members are all super stunning and fancy and they had the most fantastic outfits. and my momma and I sat there admiring them. and then we saw my man Dave so I waved and he came over and chatted for awhile. and then I took a million pictures of this unreal church. it was breath taking. it was giant and had so many pretty details and I was in awe. and the aisle was super long. the church was sorta connected to St. Ignatius high school and it's the 2nd oldest church in the city and it survived the chicago fire!!! (history fun facts woo!) ok anyways you guys are probs super bored because you can't actually see this church unless you stalk my facebook pictures. which would be weird unless you know me. ok anyways....the ceremony started and the music filled the entire church and was lovely and as shannon (the bride) made her way down the aisle I started tearing up because it was so beautiful. David's mom had lung cancer last year and was very very sick. the family spent a lot more time together and it was really hard on everyone. but thankfully she is healthy now and doing SO well. and she looked stunning walking beside Shannon. and I couldn't help but just feel so blessed to know the family and to see her walking her daughter down the aisle. so during the entire ceremony I fanned myself like crazy but I always held back a lot of tears. but they were obviously happy tears. tears of joy really are great. I am so sorry if you've never experienced a good happy cry because it really feels awesome, and I recommend it. I don't think guys happy cry much but I hope everyone can experience it atleast once. especially at a wedding. or maybe when your child is born. I'm a cryer...I cry at movies, weddings, TV shows, books, parties, you name it, I might cry. it is sad but sometimes it's good when it's a happy cry. MUCH better than an ugly cry. ugly crying can be healthy sometimes. it's like when you just feel like shit and you sit in your room and curl up in a ball and sob. ick. the ugly cry helps a lot but can be super awkward too cause you look disgusting afterwards. ok anyways...me and tangents are HORRIFIC tonight. ok so back to the wedding!! SO. they said their vows and were smiling so big when they said the "I do"s and then put on their rings. it was so beautiful. and then the most touching song played....which will be my song of the day soon....once I am done talkin bout the wedding. and then afterwards we made our way to the venue for the reception on these pretty buses! so I was sorta a loner and introudced myself to other randoms which was great. so then once we got there, I was hungry so I munched on a lot of houre derves (damn that is HARD to spell!) and followed David around like a puppy. so we chatted with some people...his momma has 9 sibs and his dad has 5 so there were a LOT of relatives to chat with! and then we all sat down for dinner eventually and the venue was AMAZING. the tables were set up perfectly and everything was so pretty! and I sat at a table with David's brothers, their dates, his parents, his precious grandma, and his two uncles. so I was like family. which was nice and awkward all in one. and probably my favorite part of the night came next. so the groom's two puerto rican brothers (who were HOT) toasted and were super funny and had thick accents and that was enjoyable. ok and then David's other sister who was the maid of honor toasted and was soooo sweet and it made me want a sister so badly! the cloest think that I have is my cousin who is a year and half younger than me. and I love her. but it was just super sweet and we all were crying. even David teared up a bit! so then they cut the cake and were all precious and put it on eachother's faces and what not. and then the music came on and it was like spanish salsa music. so the groom's family was going crazy and doing all of these fancy moves and I was in awe! but then my jams came on so I hit the dance floor and danced a lil bit. David's mom even came out and danced with us! she's the best. but David refused to dance which was LAME. and eventually the dance floor died down and I was disappointed because I wish that there was more dancing. at my wedding, people will DANCE and they will like it! because dancing makes everyone feel better. but David and I did get a LOT of time to chat cause he had no one else to talk to and neither did I. and a million people kept asking me if I was dating him and that got sorta weird cause I had to explain to them that we were just friends now but we used to date. and some people understood and other people were just smiling and said, "oh that's nice!" BUT a lot of people complimented my dress and I was so happy because I felt super special. and so I tried to WERK it (work is so much better when it's spelled like WERK) ok so then things got kinda weird. because David told me that I looked beautiful and he was really nice to me. so then my head started getting really confused and my heart was confused and is confused. and you are probably thinking, "YOU'RE AN IDIOT YOU JUST RANTED ABOUT HIM TWO SECONDS AGO" but now I am like ahhhhh what?! It's weird because one second he is a jerk and the next he's all nice. so basically afterwards we were texting for a long time and he admitted that he was mean because he misses me and he doesn't like being single and yesterday reminded him of that. AND NOW I'M ALL "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO AHHHH!" because I've liked being single but I do miss him. BUT don't worry everyone...I am not going to be stupid. so I told him that we both have to work on loving ourselves and becoming more mature so that if we ever do get back together....it will somehow be different next time. so I think I handled it well. but now it's all weird because I feel like he sorta likes me but I don't know if he misses the idea of me and companionship and a hook up buddy and I don't wanna get back into that mess. and he's texting me a lot and being all flirty and ickkk I don't need that right now. I sorta just need another realtionship so that I could see what it might be like to be with someone else. I mean I've only dated him and only kissed him and blahhhh it's all so confusing. sooooo ya who knows that will happen?! I just need Julie to keep me sane and not let me go back to him so soon. I need to be a big girl and be single. and I got some good advice and that was just to do what makes me happy. and it sounds so simple but it is so true. right now, I am happy being single and feeling free and trusting myself. I've gotten closer to friends and I barely cry anymore so I feel lighter....less stressed and stuff. so that is great. we will see!!! help me God! pleaseee! haha I am also working on growing in my Faith and relationship with Christ cause that guy has a LOT of answers. :) <3 ok so part 1 of the blog is done....here is PART 2!!!!

SUNDAY:
so I woke up late today and my momma and I decided to run some errands. so we drove around like crazy people and I felt like a mom cause I did a ton of shopping and stuff. but it wasn't very fun so I do NOT want to be a mom anytime soon. BO-RING. I mean I love children but not all the other stuff associated with parenthood. so first I will be a teen and a babysitter and later when I fall in love and get married I can pop out a few kiddies. eww I don't know why I said "pop out" cause that sounds so weird. ew. ok anyways....so then my grandma came over for dinner and that was awesome because I miss her and I love her so much. so we chatted and I showed her alllllll of my pictures and she sat there and ooooed and ahhhhhed over all of them cause she is a gem. and then after dinner I went to my friend's house to watch the BACHELORETTE! TEAM JEF YAYYY! he won Emily's heart! so a bunch of crazy hormonal teenage girls sat around with a crap ton of food and watched Emily fall in love. it was precious. I love those girlies and I cuddled with some buddies and ate a lot of food and was super jealous of Emily and Jef's cuteness. so that was just LOVELY! but the concept of that show is just super weird. I could NEVER share one guy with 15+ girls. NO. he is mine and only mine. never ever ever. I am probably just the jealous type but reallly that would be super duper weird. like I would get sick picturing my man kissing other girls. NUH UH HUNNY. never. so ya don't sign me up for that show! ok so tonight's song is inspired by the wedding. if you remember earlier...I said that a certain song played at the wedding. and that song was "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban. it was adorable and it is inspirational. here it is....

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

 

 

this song is simply beautiful. I think I speak for most people when I say that we all want a love like this. and if you can find it then that is just fantastic. but then again, sometimes we take people for granted in our lives that do love us already for who we are. and we need to stop looking for the attention of certain people and have some confidence in ourselves. and appreciate the love we already have. you know that list that I mentioned in the last post? well incase you don't....the list is just a list of all of the people that I love very much. it just helps me to put things into perspective. I know that my mom and dad obviously love me. and of course my brother and my grandma too! and I hope that my closest friends love me the way that I love them. <3 but someone who always will love me, even if I never find a man to love me (hopefully it'll happen) is Christ. I know it might sound dumb but Jesus is an awesome guy because he will ALWAYS be there for me and for everyone. especially when my soul is weary. and the coolest thing is that you and me BOTH take God's breath away. it's amazing to think about. ok so purpose of the blog.....1) this is a common thing that I keep bringing up but I just think it is super important....LOVE YOURSELF and love others who are most important to you. and forget about those who could care less. 2) stay confident and hopeful that you will always feel loved. because even if you aren't religious, know that jesus STILL cares SO much about you. he will always raise you up when it may feel like no one else can. 3) AND most importantly....find something in your life that makes you feel really special. for me, it's that dress. It makes me feel beautiful and helps me be confident. so find that thing and WERK. alright that is all. love you guys!

 

<3 <3 <3

anonymous blogger

 

P.S. If you don't know anything about this Jesus dude and are interested....or you just wanna talk about religion...please please let me know!!! I have suggestions on where to start or how to start and I promise you it is a very rewarding journey to find Christ. he's the best <3