how to save a life

hi everyone!! today began just like every other day...I woke up, felt really lazy, but still forced myself to go for a run. and afterwards I felt much better. then I went and hung out with some babies as usual, and we again had some fun times at the park with choo choo trains and such. then I went to a memorial service for a boy named Andrew who passed away a few weeks ago from cancer. I didn't know Andrew very well, but I always remember his warm, genuine smile and loving personality. I often think to myself, why do terrible things happen to amazing people like Andrew? but I have to try to believe that God has a plan for everyone and that this is His plan for Andrew and his family. the memorial service touched me as well as everyone else that attended it, mostly because the love for Andrew radiated throughout the church. I have no idea how Andrew's family, especially his dad, has stayed so so so strong throughout this fight. they trust the Lord with all of their hearts and I admire that so much. I hope that I can one day be as strong in my faith as Mr. Park. watching him and others talk about Andrew made me tear up, then lightly cry, then straight up sob...feeling so incredibly guilty and upset that while we are all still living, still being sinners, still complaining about dumb things that seem so important...Andrew is no longer able to take any breaths on Earth. but instead of dwelling on this, Mr. Park emphasized how Andrew lived a full 17 years...I couldn't understand how he could spin this into something so positive until I realized that it all goes back to God, and their trust that Jesus is hanging out with Andrew and Andrew is SO happy with him. I love to think like that; I know that many people don't believe and have their doubts, and that is totally fine, but I like to feel comforted, knowing that there is something more waiting for all of us who trust in Christ. Christ is always waiting with open arms for us, so that when we do pass, we can run into heaven and live the fullest life for all of eternity. yes, it does sound super crazy and unbelievable, but I just think that there isn't any downside to believing it whether it's real or not, so why not just believe? YAY JESUS!! anyways...I'm getting side tracked. the point is that I hate that I waste so much of my time complaining when life is so freaking precious!!! it makes me crazy thinking that I don't always embrace my parents and treat my friends like royalty. because I LOVE so many people in my life and I often find myself forgetting about them. or worse, I pity myself and take my life for granted. which is SO unfair! I know that life gets tough, but by me or anyone else hating life and taking it for granted, we are being so selfish! because Andrew doesn't get to be on Earth anymore, and I hate the idea of someone ending their own life when there is just so much out there. I'm sure Andrew and his family would give anything to have Andrew come back, and seeing all of that love made me realize that I need to not only appreciate every single day, but I also want to try to help everyone else see the joy in life so that they can appreciate their lives and most importantly, themselves. ok so that leads me to my song for today. its one of my absolute favorites, and even though it's really sad, it makes me think about how I would do ANYTHING to ensure that all of my friends live their lives to the fullest and never take it away from themselves. the song is How to Save a Life by The Fray. ok here it is...


How To Save A Life :

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life


Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

ok so this song is pretty self explanatory. I would assume that it is about a guy who doesn't help his friend in time, so his friend either hurts himself, dies, or just is no longer himself. I can totally relate to this because I often find myself worrying that I don't say the right things to people, and even though my conversations don't always revolve around life or death, I still like to know that my words comfort others. and I know that I could never live with myself if I knew that someone was hurting and I wasn't there to care for them. of course, things can get very tricky when depression is involved because I do not have all of the answers. but I still want to help people and I could not bear to see anyone get hurt or worse, hurt themselves. this sounds so weird, but tonight, when some of Andrew's loved ones went up to talk about him, I couldn't help but picture myself standing up at the podium, talking about my own best friend. or reverse, my friends talking about ME! and this made me cry even more because I can never imagine losing any of my friends, and it sickened me to think that I could ever lose them, especially not at such a young age. so I will do my absolute best to make sure that none of my friends ever feel like they want to take their own life because I would never ever forgive myself. and I never want to find myself standing at the podium speaking about any of them until I am old and have lived a long, fulfilled life. let the moral of this blog be that LIFE IS PRECIOUS! I know that not everything is perfect, and things get really tough, but that is no reason to not appreciate your life. LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE LIFE, LOVE OTHERS, and cherish the life that you have because I never want to see someone I love take their own beautiful life away.

to finish this blog...I want to share what my 5 year old cousin told me today. she took my hand and put it over her heart. she said, "feel that? that's my heart beat." and I said, "wow! you are so right! you're so smart!" and then a flood of seriousness rushed over her face as she looked me in the eye and calmy said, "when I die, I want it to be when I'm old and my heart stops beating. Is that how you want it to be too?" I was taken back by the wisdom of this young beauty. she summed up exactly what I am going for with this blog: don't forget that God doesn't plan for you to end your life prematurely. He has a plan. He made you and loves you and of course wants you to join him in heaven. but it'll happen on His time, not yours. SO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!

RIP Andrew Park <3 you will be missed

<3 <3 <3

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